PS Draft #2: Please Opinions, Feedback etc. Forum

[JC7168]

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[bluepenguin]

Not a huge fan of the "I like to argue" essay. Having only scanned this, not sure it's a great iteration thereof.

What are you trying to say with this? Seriously, try summarize in no more than 4 sentences.

What if my “core value” was being a skeptic I thought?

[JC7168]

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[bluepenguin]

Okay sorry, I was not at all clear.

The quote was just one random line of bad grammar I noticed.

I also didn't want you to summarize what you said, as in what you wrote. I meant as in what you want the reader to take away, what impression you want them to form. What your pitch is, basically. That you're a skeptic? That your skepticism is grounded in an interesting personal narrative? Or is it just that this colors you as a person beyond your numbers?

Also, if that is your summary I think your first point could use more establishment.

[stuckinthemiddle]

Change topic.

Everyone is a skeptic. Everyone likes to argue. Everyone claims to value open-mindedness. You wouldn't stand out with this.

Also, there's a lot of telling and no showing. What exactly have you done in your life (extra-curriculars, work experience, academic endeavors, etc.) to actually back up that you are a skeptic with an open mind? I don't believe you.

[stuckinthemiddle]

I fell into a crisis of self identity. Who exactly was I? What was I doing at this school? Why was I a history major? What were my beliefs? These questions and others rattled in my head like numbers on bingo night. Weeks or maybe months I was suck in the mud of an existential trap.

And delete this; especially the bingo night simile.