Hi, is there anyone willing to take a look at my DS?
Help greatly appreciated!
Please message me if you want to take a swing at it!
My DS topic compelling? Forum
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Sendou
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:48 pm
Re: My DS topic compelling?
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Last edited by Sendou on Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Sendou
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2012 2:48 pm
Re: My DS topic compelling?
anyone? please? Im trying to send out an application today. Thanks
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zoomzoom88
- Posts: 647
- Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am
Re: My DS topic compelling?
Honestly a lot of people come from single parent homes I didn't realize it was diversity statement worthy
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bluepenguin
- Posts: 285
- Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:33 pm
Re: My DS topic compelling?
Gonna have to agree.zoomzoom88 wrote:Honestly a lot of people come from single parent homes I didn't realize it was diversity statement worthy
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cynthiad
- Posts: 163
- Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:16 pm
Re: My DS topic compelling?
Don't use the passive voice so much, it sounds like you're not taking responsibility for your own actions.
"Acting out at school, lashing out, lack of ambition and determination was common, and being the most popular was the priority."
You should say "I acted out at school," etc. If you're talking about your friends' behavior, don't, you don't want to bash people.
"Trial and error has always been the way I lived my life" should be "I have always lived my life by trial and error" and so on
It's also not clear why being affected by peer pressure is so unique--plenty of kids don't have fathers, and kids with both parents also get led astray by friends. Are there other factors that make you more diverse? Were you the first in your family to go to college? Was your family poor?
"Acting out at school, lashing out, lack of ambition and determination was common, and being the most popular was the priority."
You should say "I acted out at school," etc. If you're talking about your friends' behavior, don't, you don't want to bash people.
"Trial and error has always been the way I lived my life" should be "I have always lived my life by trial and error" and so on
It's also not clear why being affected by peer pressure is so unique--plenty of kids don't have fathers, and kids with both parents also get led astray by friends. Are there other factors that make you more diverse? Were you the first in your family to go to college? Was your family poor?
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fallingup
- Posts: 481
- Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:34 pm
Re: My DS topic compelling?
this definitely doesn't need to be as long and drawn out as it. growing up in a single parent household isn't that notable as others have said. keep it to one or two significant vignettes and a couple lines explaining the significance of them to who you are. leave out all the generic stuff about having a hard time adjusting to college because that paragraph could have been written by anybody.
