SUBMITTING TONIGHT: please critique my PS! Forum

[goCATSgo]

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Thank you all!

[icecold3000]

This is a wonderful personal statement. Good luck!

[NontradFL]

That is fantastic and it pulls emotion out of the reader. Well done. The only change I'd have the nerve to suggest is that it's kind of long. Do you think there's any way you could keep the emotion and message but summarize some of the detail? If not, no problem. It's great as is.

[TrustInMusic]

This is really good in terms of flow and vocabulary. I really identified with your struggles - well done! I especially liked the part about following the Milosevic trial; it really linked the first and last part of your PS.

[goCATSgo]

That is fantastic and it pulls emotion out of the reader. Well done. The only change I'd have the nerve to suggest is that it's kind of long. Do you think there's any way you could keep the emotion and message but summarize some of the detail? If not, no problem. It's great as is.

Thank you for your feedback and for pushing me on the length. I do think it's a tad long. I do have a version for Harvard and Penn. However, I've been looking at it for 8 weeks and I have developed kind of an emotional attachment to the words. I like this version but now that someone else had pointed it out, I will push myself on shortening it. This is good feedback. Your help is appreciated.

[goCATSgo]

This is really good in terms of flow and vocabulary. I really identified with your struggles - well done! I especially liked the part about following the Milosevic trial; it really linked the first and last part of your PS.

Thank you for your feedback!