Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise) Forum

LexLeon · Post by **LexLeon** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:00 pm

Hah, I like that.

But I'm not quite sure it's prime material for a 250.

bluepenguin · Post by **bluepenguin** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:01 pm

What's the prompt for Yale?

TripTrip · Post by **TripTrip** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:04 pm

bluepenguin wrote:What's the prompt for Yale?

Write an essay about anything and keep it under 250 words.

Asha wrote:an essay on any subject of your choice, which the Admissions Committee uses "to evaluate an applicant's writing, reasoning, and editing skills."

LexLeon wrote:But I'm not quite sure it's prime material for a 250.

Fair. But if I were to use it, do you see any grammatical errors?

dingbat · Post by **dingbat** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:23 pm

Tae Kwon Do is spelled incorrectly

TripTrip · Post by **TripTrip** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:29 pm

dingbat wrote:Tae Kwon Do is spelled incorrectly

Good catch.

bluepenguin · Post by **bluepenguin** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:32 pm

Man, so many issues above my ELA skill level.

Commas are not my thing. I wonder if you have it right after 'parlor' and 'skyway' in P1, but it looks right to me.

I think you'd be better without the semicolon at the beginning of P2. I don't think it's technically wrong, just that it doesn't look right.

TripTrip wrote:Two of my coworkers were chasing a juvenile in a white sweatshirt clutching a red jacket in my direction.

Is that right? I skipped the class on ambiguity but couldn't that mean he's clutching the jacket in your direction?

TripTrip wrote: Since he was smaller than me

Shouldn't that be "Since he was smaller than I (am)"?

Congratulations, you've made me feel stupid lol.

TripTrip · Post by **TripTrip** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:48 pm

I'm glad I posted this here for grammatical errors; thanks bluepenguin!

You're right about the verb ambiguity, I reworded that. Also right about the me/I mixup; nice spot. I would never have noticed, but "since me was smaller than he" wouldn't make a lick of sense.

As for the semicolon, I left that in. Changing it to a period makes the "The call came over" feel out of place.

bluepenguin · Post by **bluepenguin** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:54 pm

Oh yeah, I didn't notice that. I've never used that construction in my life so idk how that works.

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