Essentially, I am trying to convey that my many life challenges/experiences have prepared me for law school. Does this message come across? Also if you could evaluate/critique it for the following:
Persuasiveness
Clarity of conveyed message
Grammar/punctuation
Flow
Topic Choice (Interesting/attention holding)
I appreciate any feedback greatly.
We are molded by the many experiences in our lives, the decisions we make, and the moments from which we learn. Consequently, we are the eventual products of this elaborate progression. My childhood was riddled with a number of these life experiences, from alcoholism, and molestation, to a fatherless, impoverished upbringing, they have been the foundation for many of my decisions. By slowly crafting and sculpting me, these experiences have made me who I am today.
At the age of fourteen I held my first job. My mom, a single mother of three, was not the model parent I wished for, but she was all I had. She abused alcohol frequently, has not had a driver’s license in years, nor could she provide us with a stable home. We lived with my grandmother most of my life, and a few family members here and there. To say the least, money was a luxury absent in our home. Thus, I quickly learned the importance of the sacred dollar. This lesson carried me far. It showed me that I could achieve anything I strived for.
At sixteen, I single-handedly obtained automobile insurance and purchased my first car. I also supported myself through college, graduating loan-free. Financial autonomy gave me my first taste of independence. A taste that only made me crave more. This craving subsequently manifested into a thirst for knowledge and the cultivation of self-improvement. I dove head first and submerged myself into recreation and event planning. Focused on being the first in my family to complete a bachelor’s degree, my overshadowing ambition allowed me to lose sight of one essential element: fulfillment.
As I neared the completion of my degree I realized a hollow future stood before me. I began to analyze my available options and not knowing which path to choose, I looked to my past for inspiration. Flashing through the memories, good and bad, there was one that resonated with me. I remembered being passionate and driven about law, how it enlightened and perplexed me all in the same. When I was ten years of age I became a victim of molestation, and it was from this experience and the resulting trial, that I became cognizant of the law and the system that is meant to protect us. I learned that though you may speak the truth and seek fairness, it may not always be delivered. While the verdict was not as I hoped, at such a young age I still realized the importance of each role within the court. I developed an appreciation and respect for the laws that govern us.
Collectively these life experiences have inspired my growth. Each has uniquely molded intimate blocks of my personality, values, and morals. Much like a whittler carving into aged red oak, these experiences have whittled away at my surface exposing ripened character and zeal; a zealousness that fuels me through my educational pursuits, and a brawn-strapped character that has proved never to waver.
It would be easy for me to take the road walked by countless in my family, flooded by addiction and permeated with unwarranted contentment. However, I have chosen to trudge through thickets to avoid this paved road. Thickets that have equipped me for anything I choose to do. As well as a life long preparation that has garnered me the knowledge, confidence, and experience to purse a new fulfilled future.
