First draft, please help~

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Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:28 pm

First draft, please help~

Post by studyhard » Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:46 pm

I wrote this within short about of time (don't mind the grammar errors, run on and stuff). I am looking forward to the theme sort of, what i am lacking, where i can strengthen and whats unnecessary,etc. Please critique, thank you very much.
My father would often tell me how he dislike the policies and regulations while living under the ruling of the Vietnamese Communist party where bribery and governmental oppression blatantly exist. As a result, he decided to migrate to America, a country he believes that better protects individual liberties and rights while at the same time allow my sister and i to have a better future.
The first two years in the U.S were our hardest years. Both of our parents have to move 2-3 cities away for work, leaving us with our grandparents. Not only that, they were getting low paid also. I could remember my mother would tell me they could only saves up around two to three hundred dollars a month. Despite hard work, they were happy. They were happy simply because they understand their efforts have given children the opportunities at a better life and education.
It was around the Spring of 2001, we finally have enough savings for a mortgage down payment. I could remember my sister's facial expression when she first heard my mother told us we are moving into a house together. Their efforts seem to finally paid off. After we move in, my parents have to work even harder to pay our mortgage. On most of the week days, my father would go to work at 8 am, comes home at 5 pm, have dinner, and then work until midnight. It would occurs to me his life is all about working for better of us. Despite all the hard work, he was satisfied and i would never see him feeling stressed out. At that time, my mind set was to study hard and succeed to not waste his effort.
Until one day, we received a credit card statement CitiBank of around 2,500 dollars statement. My father was surprised and upset because he did not apply for a credit card with CitiBank. It was then, i finally come to learn of a poverty crime called identity theft and my father was a victim. It was also the first time i noticed my father in his stressful state of mind. He did not know what to do. My uncles would tell him to seek a legal counsel but he did not do so. He would tell me it would cost him just as much money to hire an attorney and the time he would have to attend court to carry out the proceedings would cause him to lose work hours led to even more money loss. So, he decided to pay for a credit card statement that he did not use.
In recent years, we have bought another home and rented out the old home. Our real estate agent supposedly is our contact person with the tenant who will deal with repairing the home when needed and collecting the rent money for us. At first, the agent was doing an excellent job. The rent check were sent to us timely. About over a year, the agent begins to send us the rent money late. Some months, she does not even send us the money or reply to our emails and phone calls. I would tell my father to fire the agent or sue her for compensation. He would simply tell me "shes probably busy, give her some time". Then a few months ago, around July of 2012, the agent would send us an email stating that she currently lives too far away to continue being our real estate agent and would have the tenant pay us the rent directly. For 2 months, we did not hear from neither the tenant nor the agent. Shortly after, i contact the tenant and found out he was still paying the agent the rent and meanwhile we did not receive any rent money from her. We still yet to receive any contacts from the agent. I strongly advised my father to seek a legal counsel to sue the agent seek legal counsel for the his money loss. He refused. I finally come to realize that legal issues can greatly affect a person. He is in need legal assistance but too hesitant to do so because he does not understand the law and is hesitant get involve due to possible money loss and records being involved with court and litigation. Such attitude toward the law could result him being on the disadvantaged side when matters involve to legal issues. The burning desire within me to help my father made me look at law schools.
Not only my father, many others are also in need of legal aids other than monetary loss. Hai, for example, a 49 years old man whose convicted of DWI and is on paper for deportation. It may be true that Hai was a irresponsible man when he was younger. However, after he got married, and have two children, hes became more responsible. Hai is now working at a food storage where he package food and products. His goal in life now is to raise and offer his children the same opportunities like that of other children could have in U.S. If the court approve to Hai's deportation, his children would then lose the fatherly love the he could provide to them and that could greatly affect their lives in various ways. The thought of learning about Hai's situation would only bolster my interest in law. Perhaps, if i was a position that allows me to know, understand, and practice the law, i can be able to help people like my father and Hai, people who are in need of legal aids that will resolve their concerns so that they could move on with their lives.It is unfortunate that i am yet able to provide legal counsel and represent Hai. I can only wish that his legal counsel is able to convince the court to give him an opportunity to make it up to the society and his family. I truly believe he deserves a second chance to be a part of this society for he has turn over a new leaf.

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