Really rough first draft - please edit and critique Forum

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JP5701

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Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

Post by JP5701 » Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:40 pm

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Last edited by JP5701 on Thu Dec 06, 2012 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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bluepenguin

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Re: Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

Post by bluepenguin » Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:06 pm

Where are you applying?
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patienunderstanding

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Re: Really rough first draft - please edit and critique

Post by patienunderstanding » Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:15 pm

IMO delete all the school stuff that You have towards the end, add some description how you felt when the violence and fighting was taking place and you have a well-written diversity statement. That's just my opinion.
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