Personal Statement swap Forum

[Nicolena]

I have a very rough draft of my personal statement. Is anyone willing to swap?

"I know this is way too long. I need to cut it down. I am sure their are some grammatical errors as well. Any feedback would be appreciated.

"Unfortunately, my interest in law came from a personal tragedy. During my junior year of college, years of my parents’ hard work and dedication were destroyed in less than an hour when a fire destroyed their business. The saddest scene was seeing my strong willed and positive father broken down in front of the building. The fire not only took my parents’ livelihood but it also took their spirit. To make matters worse, insurance would not cover the costs of the damage.

Initially, my plan was to go to law school right after I received my undergraduate degree, but I decided to take some time off to gain more work experience and to help my family during this troublesome time. In order to help my family through this difficult ordeal, I took time off after undergraduate school instead of immediately starting law school. I wanted to be there for my family and do what I could to ensure they were back on their feet. Throughout high school, I would spend a lot of time at (Shop Name) Motorsports, which allowed me to take responsibility often as well as learn about the business side of a privately owned company. However, I dedicated the remainder of my spare time to advanced placement courses and extracurricular activities for school. Throughout high school, I spent a lot of time at (Shop name) Motorsports, my parents’ business. I took on a lot of responsibility there to learn more about the business of a private company, while at the same time taking advanced placement courses and participating in extracurricular activities. I became an active member in the Teen Court held at the local courthouse and the Teen Advisory Coucil at school. Participating in these organizations established my initial interest in law. This is where my interest in law was established. A club called Teen Court was held at the local courthouse and Teen Advisory Council (TAC) was held at school. I was an active member in both clubs, which consisted of assisting troubled juveniles most of my high school career. At Teen Court, a local attorney supervised the trial as a judge and the students would act as the defense, the prosecutor, and jurors. At my high school, TAC allowed students, who were first time offenders, to go before our council. Like Teen Court, students would also decide the disciplinary action for the offender.

During college, I was able to pick more law-based classes that allowed me to explore the constitution and international theory. These classes interested me more than I could imagine because it involved a lot of research as well as understanding the research. My classes would consist of applying theories and debating issues from past case briefs. Most of my college career was spent with my computer in my lap and books spread around me. My major in political science required writing a lot of long opinionated papers, but I loved every minute of it. Studying at Eckerd College also broadened my knowledge in an international sense. I was fortunate enough to receive scholarships, which allowed me to participate in two winter terms away from school. The most memorable term took place in Manhattan, New York, where our group met with different embassies and human rights organizations involving the United Nations. Many of the lectures discussed the issues, resolutions, and concerns surrounding this prominent organization. My second winter term was spent abroad in Southeast Asia, where I studied different business concepts and their economy. Both trips were exhilarating, but they required the ability to focus and multitask. Since the terms were only one month long, everything was very fast paced, but also tedious as it was a learning experience.

Deciding to take time off after graduation was hard. I have always been dedicated to my education, but I knew my work experience was lacking. Times were also a lot harder during and after the fire, so my decision was hard, but manageable. Although the economy and my lack of experience had limited positions available, I finally received a great opportunity. I never thought I would be working at a funeral home after college, but a few years later and here I am at (Name of) Funeral Home. My position with this company advanced quickly and my reasons to stay grew. Though a position in the legal field would have been ideal, the exposure allowed me to gain considerable knowledge regarding the functions and operations of a large, privately owned business.

After six months, I received advancement in the company. My position as a bookkeeper has allowed me to work in my best work environment –a fast paced atmosphere mixed with a constant challenge. I regularly juggle many tasks throughout my day, which keeps me motivated and educated in the work place. I have been exposed to the many different types of people and places involved in a major business. I work with attorneys, government facilities, insurance companies, and banks very often. I have become familiar with not only knowing how to run a business, but how to run it successfully and smoothly. I have taken much more than I had bargained from this company within a little less than a year. I know law school will be the same for me. My motivation and dedication have never let me fall short of what I want to accomplish. I want to continue to learn and to grow in a successful business field, but I need to study law in order to get there. I want to be able to help people like people who helped my parents and my family during a troublesome time. People need to be able to look to someone for advice and answers that they would never know. I know I can be that person."


Thanks.

[analytic_philosopher]

*saddest