Diversity Statment, please help!!!! Forum

[lawschool4]

Diversity Statment, please help!!!!

[elcee1987]

Looks like you need to have a few more people edit it for cleanup. I would separate into a few more paragraphs, particularly the second one.

I like the story though, it seems to be a good highlight of diversity. If this is just your diversity statement though, it may be too long. I thought it was a personal statement at first, and it would do well as one, but if it's a DS, you'll probably need to cull out a lot of the story.

Just some grammatical notes:
you can't be "fairly" unique. You're either unique or you're not. Maybe use "fairly unusual" or hit a thesaurus for other good words.
Throughout your statement, "dad" is capitalized. If it is preceded by "my" as in, "my dad," then dad is not capitalized. You only capitalize Dad or Mom when you can replace it with their given name and have it still be proper (ie. Dad bought another hotel can also be Bill bought another hotel.) You wouldn't say my Bill's partner, instead of my dad's partner, so dad is lowercase. Same goes for the "father" reference in the last paragraph.
In the paragraph that starts "as I started settling into..." make sure you understand when to spell out numbers and when not to. As a general rule, though there are exceptions, single-digit numbers (1-9) are spelled out, and the number 10 and above are written as numbers. If you're writing a time of day ("I started school at four") I would recommend saying either four o'clock in the morning, or 4 a.m., depending on your preference.

Like I said, this needs some extra eyes to go through and clean it up a lot. But I think you have a good start. for a personal statement.

[lawschool4]

Thank you for the noted, I know it still needs a lot of work and review. I already have personal statement prepared and wanted to use this as my diversity statement. I know its rather long for a DS, but if I were to cut a few things out and it is still longer than a page, will it be a problem to submit as a DS?

DS are typically supposed to be about a page, but I feel like I have so much to write and to sum it up in one page won't be enough...

[LexLeon]

A polytheist believes in many gods, not "many Gods." God is the name of a particular god, the god held by many to be both supreme and creator.