Critique my PS pleease Forum

[doyouevenlift]

.

[red52]

aware

[doyouevenlift]

you're aware of my concern? is this a big issue, or do people get by on concentrating on stories which inspired them. I dont want this to be a resume.

[red52]

no sorry, "do you even lift?" is a slogan on a very popular internet forum, and people of whom are aware of these forums say "aware" to identify with each other. I apologize for responding, I just thought you would know what I was talking about. My apologies.

[eleemosynary2]

mirin

[doyouevenlift]

haha its all good i know what you're talking about. I wasn't even thinking

[msblaw89]

It sounds like you are trying too hard.You try to use alot of flowery language that just doesn't make sense. You have several misplaced modifiers and some verb tense issues. Try to get rid of passive voice. You do not talk nearly enough about why you want to study the law, and way too much about some riot. You can sum up most of what you said in about 3 sentences. Give a short background of the context, then go into explaining why and how that experience shaped your interests and why you think law school is right for you

[doyouevenlift]

Ah thank you for the advice, you are right.