Academic Probation Addendum Critique Forum

[Anonymous User]

Is this too short? I feel like I didn't really resolve how I was able to overcome the cause of my Academic probation, but it was getting too wordy and meta. I thought it would better just to state the facts and the concrete results. What do you guys think?

Unable to build good relationships, I became depressed and lost confidence in myself. The result was academic probation and a first semester GPA of 1.6. Receiving the probation was a wake-up call. Regardless of what my emotional state was, it was selfish and immature of me to disregard my responsibilities.
I worked harder the following semesters. My cumulative GPA for those subsequent semesters was a 3.56. I was especially motivated my senior year because of my decision to go to law school and my GPA reflected that with a 4.0. I believe these grades are more reflective of my potential.

[dingbat]

Unable to build good relationships, I became depressed and lost confidence in myself.

I'm not sure what this means or why it resulted in you getting bad grades, but it throws up big warning signs

[CanadianWolf]

CONSIDER: I had a difficult time adjusting to the demands & temptations of college life which resulted in being put on academic probation due to a dismal first semester GPA of 1.6. After receiving & digesting this wake-up call, I improved my GPA in subsequent semesters to a 3.56 which includes a 4.0 GPA during my senior year.

[cynthiad]

Is this too short? I feel like I didn't really resolve how I was able to overcome the cause of my Academic probation, but it was getting too wordy and meta. I thought it would better just to state the facts and the concrete results. What do you guys think?

Unable to build good relationships, I became depressed and lost confidence in myself. The result was academic probation and a first semester GPA of 1.6. Receiving the probation was a wake-up call. Regardless of what my emotional state was, it was selfish and immature of me to disregard my responsibilities.
I worked harder the following semesters. My cumulative GPA for those subsequent semesters was a 3.56. I was especially motivated my senior year because of my decision to go to law school and my GPA reflected that with a 4.0. I believe these grades are more reflective of my potential.

If you were actually diagnosed with depression, you can say that you were depressed and then describe the treatment you received and how you improved. Otherwise, cut the mention of depression. Definitely take out "unable to form good relationships."

[dingbat]

If you were actually diagnosed with depression, you can say that you were depressed and then describe the treatment you received and how you improved. Otherwise, cut the mention of depression. Definitely take out "unable to form good relationships."

I would steer clear of mentioning depression either way:
A) you never know how the person reading it will take it
B) you don't want them to worry that this will happen again

[Anonymous User]

Thank you for shortening my addendum. I will cut out the depression part!