Feedback on a rough PS please. The more brutal the better! Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Anonymous User
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Feedback on a rough PS please. The more brutal the better!

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:57 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Younger Abstention

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Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2010 2:36 pm

Re: Feedback on a rough PS please. The more brutal the better!

Post by Younger Abstention » Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:53 am

Please, please, please just come right out and say that it's your mom doing the work, in the first sentence: "My mother decided to change the legal environment..." More powerful, and less confusing/awkward. The rest isn't incredible, but it's probably sufficient.
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