Solid Draft-harsh criticism expected Forum

[AggieF&F]

Thanks for the advice. It's time to get back to work

[06102016]

..

[CanadianWolf]

DELETE: ", as it tended to be," in the first paragraph.

DELETE & do not rewrite or replace the entire final paragraph.

Those two changes should improve your essay.
Overall, your PS is interesting & sincere.

[CorkBoard]

This topic is very vague and makes you come off as incredibly unstable, especially in the first two paragraphs. Not a good look. I don't know what it is you're trying to write about either.

Scrap it.