Anyone willing to read/critique my PS? (French student) Forum

[estellejade]

Hi everyone,

I am a French student living in Paris, France and have always lived there. I am 21. I learned English on my own and I still have some grammar and vocab issues. This is why I would really appreciate if anyone could read the first draft of my PS to correct my grammatical and vocabulary mistakes, and also to give me thoughts on it.

It wrote about two topics :
-why law and the steps that I have taken to become a lawyer someday (law school in France, internships...)
-why the US and the steps that I have taken to become fluent in English and to learn more about the American culture
I wrote separate paragraphs for each topic, but I linked them in my conclusion.

I feel like I don't go deep enough and that my PS seems a little childish... Also, maybe I should concentrate on the US travels part and forget about the "why law" part.

If anyone is willing to help me, please tell me and I will PM you my PS.

Thank you very much !

[estellejade]

.

[kwais]

I'll read it

[estellejade]

I wrote a second draft thanks to the advices of two TLSers.
Anyone willing to read it and rip it apart?
Sorry to be so insisting, but as I am French, I don't know anyone that could be able to help me on this...
Thanks again!

[laura2011]

I'd be happy to. Just PM me!