This is my first draft of my Personal Statement. I know it needs work because i suck at grammar!! PLEASE feel free to leave constructive criticism (its not what you say, its how you say it

I just finished packing all of my important belongings, and I scanned my room to make sure that I didn’t leave anything. As I scanned through my boxes, I made sure I had all of my fiction literature, Air Jordan sneakers, clothes, music (RnB & Soul, Rap, Reggae CDs), pictures and of course my lava lamp. The car was ready and waiting for me to load my things into the trunk. As my stomach filled with nervousness, I couldn’t help but to think that I was making a horrible decision. Trying my best to hold back my tears, I hugged and told my mother good-bye. Ten minutes later with tears flowing from my eyes, I was on interstate 91 south headed to XXXX.
My upbringing was from parents who both migrated from Jamaica to the United States of America to have the opportunity live a better life. Growing up in XXXXXX can make you or break you and I choose the latter. Most of my life I have been raised in a single parent home, which made me learn at an early age that money was limited and didn’t grow on trees. This environment has taught me that having a good career was the only way out, and that a proper education was the first step. This instantly made me understand in my teenage years that I have to make certain sacrifices in order to fulfill my dreams. Due to that notion, I have made a major modification in my life when I decided to change my environment at the age of fifth-teen. This major alteration required me to relocate from my family, close friends and most of all, my mother. I took it upon myself to make a mature decision to go live with my father for a better educational opportunity, even if I had to move from the people that I loved the most. Additionally, I wanted to challenge myself to a different environment to see if I would be able to diversify myself. As a result, I went from attending an inner city public school with being the majority, to enrolling into a school that was considered myself as being the minority.
Faced with the realty that the transition wasn’t going to be as smooth as I imagined it, I later grew accustom to my new environment. Consequently, the hardest part of relocating to a new school was adjusting academically. The curriculum was far more rigorous and difficult than my studies at my previous high school, which forced me to work harder than my average peer. In addition, after demonstrating my hard work and adjustment within my studies, I was later accepted to XXXXXX University. During my college career as an undergrad, I had always worked part-time and dedicated some of my spare time to volunteer amongst different organizations within the community. The most memorable experience I had was speaking to high school students at an alternative school for the misbehaved. Those students made me remember that I could be a great role model and show them that they can achieve their future dreams as well. Going to law school has been a dream that I thought as a younger child could never come true because I never had any examples. As a child, I always hated to answer the “who is your role model” question. I felt that my answer, “I don’t know” was embarrassing; I was the first in my family to attend and graduate college so that experience was very new to me. My lack of ignorance of not knowing whom to look up to strived me to a role model someday. Therefore, I would love to be able become an example for young children who also may believe that they can’t make their dreams come true.
XXXX raised me and XXXXX has polished me into a young lady. I have interacted with people from different cultures and backgrounds that opened my mind to a new way of thinking. Throughout my journey, I have gone through experiences that helped shape the individual that I am today. I learned that I am a person who loves the arts, reading books, watching films, collecting paintings, music and technology. Since I have a strong interest for entertainment and the arts, I would love to pursue that area of law. I have imagined myself working behind the scenes in the entertainment industry as great lawyer, negating contacts, creating deals, and protecting publishing rights for artists. XXXXX Law has a strong course selection in the area of Intellectual Property that can provide me with practical experience and offers a externship program that can open doors into the music industry. Additionally, XXXXX Law has close proximity to my family and one of the prominent location of the entertainment industry; New York City. The thought of pursuing a career that will make me extremely happy and can potentially help the community puts a huge smile on my face.
Eight years later, I just finished packing all of my essential belonging, and overlooked my apartment to make sure that I didn’t leave anything. I doubled check for my reference, fiction and non- fiction books, favorite high heeled shoes, two degrees, IPod filled with Rock, Pop, House, RnB & Soul, Hip Hop and Reggae MP3s, pictures and of course my clothes. As I looked closer at my belongings, I began to notice how much my growth and diversification has shown through my pride possessions. Hours later I had everything packed in my car and was prepared to leave. Filled with excitement for the inevitable, I hugged my dad and stepmother and told them that I will see them soon. Sixteen hours later I pulled into my mother’s driveway, the anticipation to tell her that I am home. I moved back home briefly to remind myself that still have much more to accomplish and that I shouldn’t give up on what initially left to do. Although I could have gotten comfortable in XXXXX and put my dreams of becoming a lawyer behind, I knew that my determination would not let it happen. So now I am home with a clear mind, a stronger sense of ambition and drive to pursue my dreams of becoming a lawyer with, “you never know where you are going until you know where you have been” kept in mind.