Please edit ONE paragraph for me! Forum

postn0bills · Post by **postn0bills** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:20 pm

I like it, but I would remove this line "It was about what made sense financially, not emotionally." You've already made that point, it's redundant, and by reiterating it makes it seem like you are placing emphasis on your emotional disconnect rather than your ability to approach a case objectively.

Blue Ivy · Post by **Blue Ivy** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:34 pm

Thanks for the feedback! I see what you mean.

Blue Ivy · Post by **Blue Ivy** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:05 pm

fashiongirl · Post by **fashiongirl** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:39 am

The last sentence is a really long fragment.

Also the part about "speaking their language" was weird to me too. Not sure what to put in there.

jrthor10 · Post by **jrthor10** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:56 am

shouldn't there be a "the" in front of precipice in the first sentence?

jrthor10 · Post by **jrthor10** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:57 am

fashiongirl wrote:The last sentence is a really long fragment.

Also the part about "speaking their language" was weird to me too. Not sure what to put in there.

Also, this.

Please edit ONE paragraph for me! Forum

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