PS critiques welcomed and needed. Revised- Please read. Forum

[Sesi329]

Revised Check below

[kublaikahn]

Cut this in half and start with the quote, "I didn't blow myself up! I got blown up!"

[hdivschool]

The connection between the fireworks accident and your desire to go to law school is unclear.
You should consider moving some of your comments on Chaldean culture to a diversity statement, particularly your second paragraph. Or clarify their relationship to your desire to attend law school.
One of the keys to a good personal statement is to show and not tell; get to the point quicker. Take out comments like "I didn't know my major." You should ask yourself about each sentence, "Why is this in my personal statement?" Why do you mention that you decided on adding an econ major but still wanted to take difficult classes in other fields? Isn't that on your transcript?
Take out language like "I could not have been more delighted" and "I immediately knew Michigan was the school for me" because it's hyperbolic and fawning.

[Sesi329]

Great advice! thank you! I've implemented many of things you said above. Anything else?

[Sesi329]

edit

[JasonR]

Way too long.

[Duramax80]

On the 15th day, they finally told me that they saved me eyesight;

You sound like a pirate.

Other than the spelling and grammatical errors, its too long.