PS please critique Forum

[anna86]

deleted

[sparty99]

I didn't read all of this, got kind of bored with it.

What I did read, you talked about a lot of stuff.

Weird sentences, speak clearly. "Admitted at the ratio of one “buryat” to ten “russkiy,”" - this doesn't mean anything.

"The word “skinheads” ran through my head and terrifying fear bound my movements" - bound my movements? What the hell does that mean.

"The country of my destination was something that goes without saying." - what? Stop speaking in metaphors.

"Fear and frustration had taken over my family at that time" - what? HOw does fear and frustration do that?

"With a strong determination to meet every challenge head on" - "head on" - what the hell does that mean? SPeak clearly, stop this metaphor stuff.

[anna86]

Thank you for your critique.

[nkp007]

Honestly, I thought this was great. While you can tighten up the language in a couple areas, I think you tell a compelling story that provides a foundation for your interest in law.

The country of my destination was something that goes without saying.

- just say it.

Indelible memories of discrimination in childhood proved to be most influential for me and soon inspired my decision to enroll into a program of professional re-training to study jurisprudence.

- clunky language

[anna86]

Thanks

[CanadianWolf]

This is a very well written &, in my opinion, effective law school personal statement essay. My only concern is that it is too well written since English is not your first language.