First Draft PS - if you get the chance... Forum

[phillyboy101]

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[breadbucket]

Try paragraphs

[icecold3000]

So you did bad on the MCAT, now you want to be a lawyer? Just kidding.

My advise would be to quit trying to write the great American novel. Sentences and phrases such as these need to disappear.

my career goals changed like the leaves in November

The one constant remained my unwavering desire to be a member of the scientific community. I needed this like I needed air to breathe.

Other than that, I think this has some potentiol.

[Blessedassurance]

Lost and confused, I confided in my aunt, an attorney, about these inhibitions, and she told me about a friend of hers in law school, a biochemistry PhD, who similarly loved scientific research, but dreaded the lab table test tube lifestyle that came with it; consequently, she pursued work in intellectual property law.

Fix this. The length is compounded by the insertion of the semi colon. Also, get rid of some of the somewhat-cliched similes and metaphors in the essay. I liked it. Should be good after revisions.

[CanadianWolf]

This is an above average law school personal statement essay, in my opinion. Unlike the impression of an above poster, your creative writing phrases work & provide a refreshing element that should further distinguish your writing from thousands of other application essays. However, the parentheses need to be deleted as does the word "truly" before "got a grasp".

[kublaikahn]

This can be good. I would start with your love of science first. Talk about the feeling that you knew pre-med wasn't right for you even before you started, but without another plan, was the only thing you could do. You can transition, to research as you searched for solutions, then finally found a passion in the science arena that could sustain you.

I think it works, but you need to paint your path as a problem solving exercise showing a well thought out conclusion to study IP law.