ballet career and law school, critique my PS! Forum

[emacleod]

-Working on it. Thank you!-

[yankeedoodle]

As to your question, I don't think you need to choose one story, this is fine. I would mention law sooner, and spend more time explaining what specifically draws you to legal study. It seems from this you just want something competitive, and IMHO, that's not going to get you any attention. Surely you have other, deeper reasons, or could make some up

[kublaikahn]

However, I have learned that balance is just as important in life as it is in ballet. My ballet career has been the foundation for my success, but my college experience has completed me as a person. In the past four years, I have learned how to think. I have become a better writer. I have also learned to dedicate time to personal relationships. I’ve been able to explore opportunities I thought I never would by becoming a camp counselor and swim instructor.

Facts tell, stories sell. This is just a list of facts about you with no proof. Definitely use ballet. I think everyone can relate to the work ethic, competition, and striving associated with the high end performing arts. But tell a current academic story and relate your success in that back to your ballet training. Start with a ballet story, but don't get into why you quit (not necessary) or what someone else says about dance (not relevant and not your words.) Give details about working under pressure and the joy despite the pain. Then when you link to your current experience show how valuable the toughness you developed dancing made light work of current challenges.

And don't use the phrase "cut-throat."