Second draft, can't be worse. Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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ProBoyMagic

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Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:26 am

Second draft, can't be worse.

Post by ProBoyMagic » Fri Dec 02, 2011 3:19 am

tyty
Last edited by ProBoyMagic on Sun Dec 04, 2011 7:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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kublaikahn

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Re: Second draft, can't be worse.

Post by kublaikahn » Fri Dec 02, 2011 7:41 pm

You witnessed travesties on your one-two hour visit to muni court? But yeah, 75% of criminal defendants are indigent. You need a more interesting story to tell if you want to discuss this.
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masked kavana

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Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:24 pm

Re: Second draft, can't be worse.

Post by masked kavana » Fri Dec 02, 2011 7:57 pm

"I wanted to be a shepherd to those who were lost and felt marginalized by legal society"

For some reason this comes across as kind of condescending. Perhaps find a lighter word than sheperd?
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