Please help my Why NU Forum

[elizcbeth]

From the very first moment I stumbled upon Northwestern Law in my research, the question has not been “Why Northwestern?” but “Can I even survive Chicago’s frigid winters?”
I was firstly impressed by the unique approach taken by Northwestern to foster a collaborative learning environment, which has been an important consideration as I consider potential law schools. Different from the marketing ploys of some schools, Northwestern truly creates a friendly and welcoming atmosphere as I experienced on my visit and further corroborated by my interactions with current Northwestern students who are astonishingly open to my frequent questioning.
Secondly, I would love to take advantage of the many opportunities available to students in Business Law, especially the chance to enroll in a course at the Kellogg School of Management and to participate in the Small Business Opportunity Center.
Finally, I believe Northwestern’s singular emphasis on work experience produces a student body notable for their dedication to the pursuit of the study of law. I wish to surround myself with likeminded others who are curious, passionate, and unwavering in their studies.


It just seems so... disjointed. Also, I'm having trouble with the comma placement in that first sentence. Should there be a comma in there? Like, "Why Northwestern?", but "Can I survive...."

Thanks for all your help, Top-Law-Schools.com users!!

[freestallion]

From the very first moment I stumbled upon Northwestern Law in my research, the question has not been “Why Northwestern?” but “Can I even survive Chicago’s frigid winters?” (you don't even reference the winters again... i don't know, it sounds kind of awkward to start out with... i would change the 1st sentence..)
I was firstly impressed by the unique approach taken by Northwestern to foster a collaborative learning environment, which has been an important consideration as I consider potential law schools. Different from the marketing ploys of some schools, Northwestern truly creates a friendly and welcoming atmosphere as I experienced on my visit and further corroborated by my interactions with current Northwestern students who are astonishingly open to my frequent questioning. (this sounds REALLY vague.. I could replace Northwestern with any other top school and it would sound the same. You don't mention anything unique about NU. "Collaborative" - could be any school. get rid of this.).
Secondly, I would love to take advantage of the many opportunities available to students in Business Law, especially the chance to enroll in a course at the Kellogg School of Management and to participate in the Small Business Opportunity Center. (this is good. expand upon this instead- connect it w/ something in your background to make it truly effective).
Finally, I believe Northwestern’s singular emphasis on work experience produces a student body notable for their dedication to the pursuit of the study of law. I wish to surround myself with likeminded others who are curious, passionate, and unwavering in their studies. (this is good but you should expand on why ppl w/ work experience are an asset. curious/passionate/unwavering also sounds vague - why can't K-JDs have those characteristics? I don't think WE leads to that, but more to qualities like: management, leadership, working in a team, etc... )


It just seems so... disjointed. Also, I'm having trouble with the comma placement in that first sentence. Should there be a comma in there? Like, "Why Northwestern?", but "Can I survive...."

Thanks for all your help, Top-Law-Schools.com users!!

Overall you need to be more SPECIFIC, and add some details/examples. This is so general and vague right now, that it sounds really weak.

[elizcbeth]

You're the best, freestallion. Thank you.

[CanadianWolf]

As written, it is disjointed & unconvincing. Follow freestalion's advice & your 176 should work.

[Transferthrowaway]

Add in that you detest UChicago's lack of lay prestige.