ADDENDUM - please critique Forum

[k1448317]

Hey all -

Can I please get feedback on this addendum? I was placed on academic probation during my freshman year.

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There are a few areas on my transcripts I would like to clarify. During the fall semester of my freshman year at Florida State University a pre-cancerous spot was found on my mother’s ovaries, she had to have a total hysterectomy. The doctor’s thought this necessary due to my grandmother having just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer at that time. Also during that semester, my Great-grandmother was hospitalized for two weeks due to severe pneumonia. I began traveling home almost every weekend. During this time my grades severely suffered.
As a result of my failing grades, Florida State placed me on academic probation. However, after that semester I made the decision to transfer to a college closer to home. As a result of not completing the necessary credit hours my Florida Bright Future’s Medallion Scholarship was forfeited, however I was able to later appeal this, and after raising my grades and continual success, was granted a reinstatement of the scholarship.
In August of 2007 a best friend died suddenly in their sleep. The shock I felt from this death, caused me to re-evaluate my choices. I withdrew from my classes that semester and switched my major to psychology and law.
I was able to overcome and conquer the changes and strife going on in my life during those times. My best friend’s death made me realize that life is short, and gave me the drive I needed to become successful. My success in later college years is a much clearer picture of my potential for law school.

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Thanks so much for the help!

[icecold3000]

There are a few areas on my transcripts I would like to clarify. During the fall semester of my freshman year at Florida State University a pre-cancerous spot was found on my mother’s ovaries., She had to have a total hysterectomy. The doctor’s thought this necessary due to my grandmother having just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer at that time. Also during that semester, my Great-grandmother was hospitalized for two weeks due to severe pneumonia. I began traveling home almost every weekend. During this time my grades severely suffered.
As a result of my failing grades, Florida State placed me on academic probation. However, after that semester I made the decision to transfer to a college closer to home. As a result of not completing the necessary credit hours my Florida Bright Future’s Medallion Scholarship was forfeited, however I was able to later appeal this, and after raising my grades and continual success, was granted a reinstatement of the scholarship.
In August of 2007 a best friend died suddenly in their sleep. The shock I felt from this death, caused me to re-evaluate my choices. I withdrew from my classes that semester and switched my major to psychology and law.
I was able to overcome and conquer the changes and strife going on in my life during those times. My best friend’s death made me realize that life is short, and gave me the drive I needed to become successful. My success in later college years is a much clearer picture of my potential for law school.

This is verbose writing with an unclear timeline. Is the "in August of 2007" section part of the same addendum? Is this for a C and F addendum? Maybe these circumstances would be best explained in a GPA addendum and then just use the C and F explanation to say "In fall of 2007 I was placed on Academic Probation . . . "