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Thanks guys
Advice/Criticism for Personal Statement Forum
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JuneLSATFail
- Posts: 98
- Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:27 pm
Advice/Criticism for Personal Statement
Last edited by JuneLSATFail on Wed Oct 26, 2011 10:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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buckilaw
- Posts: 839
- Joined: Fri May 07, 2010 1:27 am
Re: Advice/Criticism for Personal Statement
[/quote]One way I dealt with the hardships at home was through debate.[/quote]
This transition is not very smooth. Kind of seems like you have disjointed themes. My life sucks....to....I like debate....philosophy is cool..... law would be a good fit.
Also, discussing both of your parents committing crimes may not be such a great idea. I'm not making any value judgments here about your parents etc. BUT it isn't crazy to think that someone reading your file wouldn't.
No one cares that you like philosophy.
Suggestion: Your statement is all over the place. Pick one theme and use only that. For instance, "I had a comfy life...Dad screwed us + humiliated us...consequently I've suffered hardship X....I grew in way(s) Y....and I want to become a lawyer to ensure that________. Follow that format if you want, you should have something a bit more focused. Good luck. PM me if you want this post deleted in the future.
This transition is not very smooth. Kind of seems like you have disjointed themes. My life sucks....to....I like debate....philosophy is cool..... law would be a good fit.
Also, discussing both of your parents committing crimes may not be such a great idea. I'm not making any value judgments here about your parents etc. BUT it isn't crazy to think that someone reading your file wouldn't.
No one cares that you like philosophy.
Suggestion: Your statement is all over the place. Pick one theme and use only that. For instance, "I had a comfy life...Dad screwed us + humiliated us...consequently I've suffered hardship X....I grew in way(s) Y....and I want to become a lawyer to ensure that________. Follow that format if you want, you should have something a bit more focused. Good luck. PM me if you want this post deleted in the future.
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ahnhub
- Posts: 578
- Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:14 pm
Re: Advice/Criticism for Personal Statement
The opening is compelling, and attention-grabbing. The PS in general is okay, with some good substantive stuff, but kind of scattered. I think the part about debate in high school is iffy--it was high school, for one thing, and it seems to point in the "I'm good at arguing so I would like to be a lawyer" angle, which consensus seems to hold is not a great thing to say in a PS. I think you could thread together the narrative better--the final paragraph is an abrupt transition, which seems odd because it's your conclusion.
