Personal Statement Critique? Forum

SUCO · Post by **SUCO** » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:25 pm

Thanks

CanadianWolf · Post by **CanadianWolf** » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:30 pm

DELETE: The entire final paragraph. No need to replace it.

SUCO · Post by **SUCO** » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:33 pm

Will do. Does the rest look alright? Hopefully I've improved over my first PS, which you were nice enough to take a look at a few weeks ago as well.

Bgard008 · Post by **Bgard008** » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:45 pm

Hey,

I too ran Track in HS and College so I was excited to read this.

Most of your thoughts in this essay can be shortened w/o loosing what you are trying to convey. You have ALOT of run-ons. Loose some of the comas and replace them with periods.

The first paragraph has great potential. Tie your determination to win into why you have decided to attend Law School. I didn't get the relation between track and law school.

After reading, I thought of it as two different essays. One about Track and another about motovation, in general.

Good Luck.

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