Personal Statement Critique? Forum
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SUCO
- Posts: 62
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:06 pm
Personal Statement Critique?
Thanks
Last edited by SUCO on Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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CanadianWolf
- Posts: 11465
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm
Re: Personal Statement Critique?
DELETE: The entire final paragraph. No need to replace it.
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SUCO
- Posts: 62
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:06 pm
Re: Personal Statement Critique?
Will do. Does the rest look alright? Hopefully I've improved over my first PS, which you were nice enough to take a look at a few weeks ago as well.
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Bgard008
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:07 pm
Re: Personal Statement Critique?
Hey,
I too ran Track in HS and College so I was excited to read this.
Most of your thoughts in this essay can be shortened w/o loosing what you are trying to convey. You have ALOT of run-ons. Loose some of the comas and replace them with periods.
The first paragraph has great potential. Tie your determination to win into why you have decided to attend Law School. I didn't get the relation between track and law school.
After reading, I thought of it as two different essays. One about Track and another about motovation, in general.
Good Luck.
I too ran Track in HS and College so I was excited to read this.
Most of your thoughts in this essay can be shortened w/o loosing what you are trying to convey. You have ALOT of run-ons. Loose some of the comas and replace them with periods. The first paragraph has great potential. Tie your determination to win into why you have decided to attend Law School. I didn't get the relation between track and law school.
After reading, I thought of it as two different essays. One about Track and another about motovation, in general.
Good Luck.
