Resume critique needed. Forum

[3v3ryth1ng]

I posted this in the other forum, but I got almost no replies. I'm assuming that's because perhaps it technically wasn't the right forum. Anyways, here's my resume, which I've redacted slightly.

Please offer advice as I'm hoping to have my apps in within 2 weeks. I'm open to any sort of constructive criticism, as long as it is honest, and of course constructive. Thanks TLS!

--ImageRemoved--

[houng89]

the dates next to your education, is that your graduation date or the date you entered? i find it strange that you graduated from UCI on August of 2006 unless you graduated in summer quarter? just a question.

anyways try indenting your bullet points it makes it easier to distinguish from the other lines. also when i see a resume or the way i was taught to do a resume in business school is to use short bullet points 1-2 lines max. try to shorten your bullet points which seems to be paragraphs in themselves. or instead of using like mulitple sentences that are seperated by semicolons just put those in separate bullet points. the reader should be able to glance through and not have to read through a paragraph long description. a resume isn't like an essay it just highlights the main points'

if you need an example try http://www.law.harvard.edu/prospective/ ... esume2.pdf, it is from an admitted student to harvard

[otomihsoy]

I'm curious...I have read things that said people who have been working for awhile should no longer put Education as the first heading. Clearly the Harvard example, and the OP's resume still use Education first. Thoughts?

And I agree with houng89 - short bullet points are preferred.

[bk1]

I'm curious...I have read things that said people who have been working for awhile should no longer put Education as the first heading. Clearly the Harvard example, and the OP's resume still use Education first. Thoughts?

And I agree with houng89 - short bullet points are preferred.

If you're applying for graduate school I don't think there's anything wrong with putting education first.

[roguewave19]

subpoenas is misspelled at the bottom

[kublaikahn]

I'd put dept chair at the top of the English Teacher job and be more descriptive in your role. Instead of saying "facilitated..communication", describe what you did like 'implemented listserv, file sharing, and web log for faculty in my department. Using these tools, I established teacher mentor relationships with lesson plan review for newer instructors." (or whatever you did.) Do this for all your jobs. Find the critical issue that you addressed in your role and explain how you accomplished your mission.

I'd put the education at the bottom. Your years of work experience trumps your education. I would not be afraid to use an extra half page (don't listen to the hype from those fresh out of undergrad.) If you give yourself more room you can explain your master's focus and research, which might be interesting to an adcom, and add some awards/honors or activities.

[3v3ryth1ng]

I'd put dept chair at the top of the English Teacher job and be more descriptive in your role. Instead of saying "facilitated..communication", describe what you did like 'implemented listserv, file sharing, and web log for faculty in my department. Using these tools, I established teacher mentor relationships with lesson plan review for newer instructors." (or whatever you did.) Do this for all your jobs. Find the critical issue that you addressed in your role and explain how you accomplished your mission.

I'd put the education at the bottom. Your years of work experience trumps your education. I would not be afraid to use an extra half page (don't listen to the hype from those fresh out of undergrad.) If you give yourself more room you can explain your master's focus and research, which might be interesting to an adcom, and add some awards/honors or activities.

I was definitely considering putting the department chair position first. I can probably find a way to word it that expresses my responsibilities a little more accurately. How would you square this approach with the posters above me who are in favor of bullets? Would you just bullet all those descriptions you mentioned?

Also, what do you think of the way my teaching experience is broken into 4 little mini sections? Is that appropriate, or should I just find a way to keep it all as one section?

[3v3ryth1ng]

the dates next to your education, is that your graduation date or the date you entered? i find it strange that you graduated from UCI on August of 2006 unless you graduated in summer quarter? just a question.

anyways try indenting your bullet points it makes it easier to distinguish from the other lines. also when i see a resume or the way i was taught to do a resume in business school is to use short bullet points 1-2 lines max. try to shorten your bullet points which seems to be paragraphs in themselves. or instead of using like mulitple sentences that are seperated by semicolons just put those in separate bullet points. the reader should be able to glance through and not have to read through a paragraph long description. a resume isn't like an essay it just highlights the main points'

if you need an example try http://www.law.harvard.edu/prospective/ ... esume2.pdf, it is from an admitted student to harvard

The problem I'm running into is that there are many aspects of my job that I feel are important, such the department chair role, the fact that I designed and taught an elective course, and being part of an urban school transformation project. I feel that they're important, but I'm afraid that if I don't mention them now, they'll never see the light of day. You'll notice that I've divided my "English Teacher" employment into 4 areas. Should I keep those subdivisions and bullet them, or should I do away with subdivisions entirely? Should I simply include less detail, or keep what I have and bullet it (which would result in my resume going to the 2nd page)?

Oh, and yes, I graduated in summer.

[3v3ryth1ng]

subpoenas is misspelled at the bottom

Doh! Thanks for catching that. And this is most definitely still a rough draft!

[kublaikahn]

I'd put dept chair at the top of the English Teacher job and be more descriptive in your role. Instead of saying "facilitated..communication", describe what you did like 'implemented listserv, file sharing, and web log for faculty in my department. Using these tools, I established teacher mentor relationships with lesson plan review for newer instructors." (or whatever you did.) Do this for all your jobs. Find the critical issue that you addressed in your role and explain how you accomplished your mission.

I'd put the education at the bottom. Your years of work experience trumps your education. I would not be afraid to use an extra half page (don't listen to the hype from those fresh out of undergrad.) If you give yourself more room you can explain your master's focus and research, which might be interesting to an adcom, and add some awards/honors or activities.

I was definitely considering putting the department chair position first. I can probably find a way to word it that expresses my responsibilities a little more accurately. How would you square this approach with the posters above me who are in favor of bullets? Would you just bullet all those descriptions you mentioned?

Also, what do you think of the way my teaching experience is broken into 4 little mini sections? Is that appropriate, or should I just find a way to keep it all as one section?

Bullets are best used for listing items that are closely related, like a list of awards or groceries. But when doing a job description bullets actually slow the reader down because each bullet is unrelated to the last. In addition, when most people bullet list things they leave words out. The human brain puts the words back in but it actually slows the reader down further. In fact, in your resume you could even put all the education info on one line for each degree and then write a two or three line synopsis of your field of study (particularly the masters degree).

Four areas under teacher are fine, three would be better--if you can combine the top one with either two or three.

[3v3ryth1ng]

I'd put dept chair at the top of the English Teacher job and be more descriptive in your role. Instead of saying "facilitated..communication", describe what you did like 'implemented listserv, file sharing, and web log for faculty in my department. Using these tools, I established teacher mentor relationships with lesson plan review for newer instructors." (or whatever you did.) Do this for all your jobs. Find the critical issue that you addressed in your role and explain how you accomplished your mission.

I'd put the education at the bottom. Your years of work experience trumps your education. I would not be afraid to use an extra half page (don't listen to the hype from those fresh out of undergrad.) If you give yourself more room you can explain your master's focus and research, which might be interesting to an adcom, and add some awards/honors or activities.

I was definitely considering putting the department chair position first. I can probably find a way to word it that expresses my responsibilities a little more accurately. How would you square this approach with the posters above me who are in favor of bullets? Would you just bullet all those descriptions you mentioned?

Also, what do you think of the way my teaching experience is broken into 4 little mini sections? Is that appropriate, or should I just find a way to keep it all as one section?

Bullets are best used for listing items that are closely related, like a list of awards or groceries. But when doing a job description bullets actually slow the reader down because each bullet is unrelated to the last. In addition, when most people bullet list things they leave words out. The human brain puts the words back in but it actually slows the reader down further. In fact, in your resume you could even put all the education info on one line for each degree and then write a two or three line synopsis of your field of study (particularly the masters degree).

Four areas under teacher are fine, three would be better--if you can combine the top one with either two or three.

Ok, so if I'm understanding you correctly, in your opinion having a more organic description of my responsibilities is better (in this situation) than a list of bullets? The way I have it, with a few changes, suffices?

I have each of the descriptions divided up with semicolons. I only did this because putting periods feels wrong given the general lack of articles and pronouns. Would you punctuate it differently?

BTW, thanks to anyone who's offering advice. I really do appreciate this, and I'm considering all of it.

[kublaikahn]

I'd put dept chair at the top of the English Teacher job and be more descriptive in your role. Instead of saying "facilitated..communication", describe what you did like 'implemented listserv, file sharing, and web log for faculty in my department. Using these tools, I established teacher mentor relationships with lesson plan review for newer instructors." (or whatever you did.) Do this for all your jobs. Find the critical issue that you addressed in your role and explain how you accomplished your mission.

I'd put the education at the bottom. Your years of work experience trumps your education. I would not be afraid to use an extra half page (don't listen to the hype from those fresh out of undergrad.) If you give yourself more room you can explain your master's focus and research, which might be interesting to an adcom, and add some awards/honors or activities.

I was definitely considering putting the department chair position first. I can probably find a way to word it that expresses my responsibilities a little more accurately. How would you square this approach with the posters above me who are in favor of bullets? Would you just bullet all those descriptions you mentioned?

Also, what do you think of the way my teaching experience is broken into 4 little mini sections? Is that appropriate, or should I just find a way to keep it all as one section?

Bullets are best used for listing items that are closely related, like a list of awards or groceries. But when doing a job description bullets actually slow the reader down because each bullet is unrelated to the last. In addition, when most people bullet list things they leave words out. The human brain puts the words back in but it actually slows the reader down further. In fact, in your resume you could even put all the education info on one line for each degree and then write a two or three line synopsis of your field of study (particularly the masters degree).

Four areas under teacher are fine, three would be better--if you can combine the top one with either two or three.

Ok, so if I'm understanding you correctly, in your opinion having a more organic description of my responsibilities is better (in this situation) than a list of bullets? The way I have it, with a few changes, suffices?

I have each of the descriptions divided up with semicolons. I only did this because putting periods feels wrong given the general lack of articles and pronouns. Would you punctuate it differently?

BTW, thanks to anyone who's offering advice. I really do appreciate this, and I'm considering all of it.

Yes. But you are right, I would put the articles back in and use periods. It is a common fallacy that removing words makes it read faster. It actually makes it read slower. Remove the adjectives and unnecessary descriptors and find strong action words. Most people also have a tendency to make their work seem more substantial by expressing how much they do. But people have a good idea what a teacher does. When you describe the importance of your work or the extra things you do, you give the reader a better idea of your work product. For example, when you say you consistently helped students learn to read and write, as measured by state test (paraphrased), isn't that the definition of a teacher? If you want to talk about improving test scores you should say how much your students improved or provide some other measure that supports that success.

[3v3ryth1ng]

Yes. But you are right, I would put the articles back in and use periods. It is a common fallacy that removing words makes it read faster. It actually makes it read slower. Remove the adjectives and unnecessary descriptors and find strong action words. Most people also have a tendency to make their work seem more substantial by expressing how much they do. But people have a good idea what a teacher does. When you describe the importance of your work or the extra things you do, you give the reader a better idea of your work product. For example, when you say you consistently helped students learn to read and write, as measured by state test (paraphrased), isn't that the definition of a teacher? If you want to talk about improving test scores you should say how much your students improved or provide some other measure that supports that success.

I put that I helped them improve their skills. That probably should be the definition of a teacher, but many teachers never help their students obtain any measurable growth, and some do it inconsistently. The reason I put it is to indicate that I've been doing the job successfully. Should I include averages of percentages of their score improvements instead?

Some of the claims I make in there probably require backup. I'm hoping I can nail that with an LOR. Should I include stats in my resume?

[bdubs]

IMO: You should list the teaching positions you have held in reverse chronological order (not clear what order they are in now). Unless the duties are vastly different between the positions, you should group all of the descriptions together into one coherent description of your duties and their evolution (assuming you have taken on increasing levels of responsibility, if not you probably want to find some way to cover that up without drawing attention). After the description you should have some bullet points for accomplishments.

[3v3ryth1ng]

IMO: You should list the teaching positions you have held in reverse chronological order (not clear what order they are in now). Unless the duties are vastly different between the positions, you should group all of the descriptions together into one coherent description of your duties and their evolution (assuming you have taken on increasing levels of responsibility, if not you probably want to find some way to cover that up without drawing attention). After the description you should have some bullet points for accomplishments.

Well, my school is divided into several smaller schools, each of which is mostly autonomous (different bosses, different rules, etc.). My first year, I taught only the elective at 3 different schools. The 2nd year, I taught only English/honors English at only one school. The 3rd and 4th years I taught English/honors with one period of the elective at only one school. The main problem is that the timeline for the elective class is fractured, and my employer situation is difficult to explain for my first year. The common thread is that each of these years involved teaching at the school where I teach now. In any case, my REAL employer is the corporation responsible for running these schools (analogous to a school district).

Knowing that, would you still do the all-encompassing job description + bullets? I'd be willing to try writing it that way, but I somehow feel it would take away from certain certain things, like the elective class I taught (I designed the entire curriculum).

[bdubs]

IMO: You should list the teaching positions you have held in reverse chronological order (not clear what order they are in now). Unless the duties are vastly different between the positions, you should group all of the descriptions together into one coherent description of your duties and their evolution (assuming you have taken on increasing levels of responsibility, if not you probably want to find some way to cover that up without drawing attention). After the description you should have some bullet points for accomplishments.

Well, my school is divided into several smaller schools, each of which is mostly autonomous (different bosses, different rules, etc.). My first year, I taught only the elective at 3 different schools. The 2nd year, I taught only English/honors English at only one school. The 3rd and 4th years I taught English/honors with one period of the elective at only one school. The main problem is that the timeline for the elective class is fractured, and my employer situation is difficult to explain for my first year. The common thread is that each of these years involved teaching at the school where I teach now. In any case, my REAL employer is the corporation responsible for running these schools (analogous to a school district).

Knowing that, would you still do the all-encompassing job description + bullets? I'd be willing to try writing it that way, but I somehow feel it would take away from certain certain things, like the elective class I taught (I designed the entire curriculum).

I would still write it as a single description. Your primary responsibility was teaching in all of the positions. You can note how you transitioned from teaching secondary subjects (electives) to primary subjects (English and Honors English), which in the teaching world is a sign of confidence in your ability. List the curriculum design as an accomplishment. If you want to make it clear that it is recent write "Designed XXX course curriculum for XX school year". There's no need to even mention that you taught at different schools since it was all for the same employer (unless you feel it is important).