Critique My PS? Gracias Forum

[DaftAndDirect]

It's a first draft - not going to qualify anything else here. It's pretty long and would love to find a way to trim the fat. Would appreciate an honest critique. Thanks all...will likely take this down once/if I get enough responses.


EDIT: Took this down. PM me if you'd be interested in having a look/ swapping. Shooting for a handful of the T14. 3.7 - 170.

[CanadianWolf]

This is a well written personal statement that shows your desire to pursue meaningful work in a consulting role whether as a business/high-tech consultant or as an attorney. The reason for your desired transition to law, however, is not clear. To reduce the size of your essay, consider condensing some of the details of your project & delete the baseball mitt references.

P.S. Enjoy Notre Dame.

P.P.S. Hopefully your project changed BofA's fraud detection alert system as their current methods make travel even within the Continental US difficult when using their bank issued ATM card.

[DaftAndDirect]

Thanks for the input. Yea I'm doing my best to cut out the unnecessary stuff, but I'm like a packrat when it comes to writing these things. Deleted the baseball mitt reference, thought it was clever but I guess it really is just filler. Hoping to capture reason for transitioning to law in the optional essays. Both of my #1 schools have optional essays where I can drop that in the "what will you bring to the classroom" esque question.

Thanks again. And bump.