Personal Statement, thoughts? Forum
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BKCentral
- Posts: 231
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Personal Statement, thoughts?
Please don't quote, I'm going to take it down after a few comments. If you'd like me to look at yours, feel free to PM me.
Last edited by BKCentral on Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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imjustjoking22
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Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
Just skimmed quickly, but I think I like it overall, just hate the last half of the concluding sentence. Please, please end with something else.
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CanadianWolf
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Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
DELETE: ",and I wouldn't have it any other way." Better to save that phrase for use when placing an order at Burger King.
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CanadianWolf
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Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
Overall this is a predictable & simplistic PS that is as common as it is shallow.
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BKCentral
- Posts: 231
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 5:19 pm
Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
Would you recommend that for just the end, or both times (the beginning of the 3rd paragraph as well)?CanadianWolf wrote:DELETE: ",and I wouldn't have it any other way." Better to save that phrase for use when placing an order at Burger King.
Thanks for the help
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CanadianWolf
- Posts: 11453
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Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
I was referring to the final sentence. Unfortunately, your personal statement essay is a bit jingoistic & unoriginal which presents you in a superficial light.
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CanadianWolf
- Posts: 11453
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Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
It should be noted that you are a skilled writer & should do well in law school, in my opinion. Your personal statement lacks depth, however.
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BKCentral
- Posts: 231
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 5:19 pm
Re: Personal Statement, thoughts?
Thanks for taking time to review it, it was still my first (revised/edited) draft, but I'm going to try to convey myself differently on another draft.CanadianWolf wrote:It should be noted that you are a skilled writer & should do well in law school, in my opinion. Your personal statement lacks depth, however.
