revising Forum

[nucky thompson]

revising

[sparty99]

The first two paragraphs were okay, not really sure what you are trying to convey in the remaining paragraphs. You state that they gave you praise on your work, but how can this be proven? I think it is a little boring that you talk so vividly about a senior thesis and how you raised your gpa and gained confidence.

[nucky thompson]

the professor of the class is one of my recommendation writers. I am trying to show growth and accomplishment in college without regurgitating my resume

[sparty99]

“college students do not counter seasoned historians" - I have no idea what this means

[nucky thompson]

the historian took a stance on the topic in which my research was done - my argument/thesis countered his - i can word that more clearly

[nucky thompson]

bump - I am having a lot of trouble writing this personal statement, but I am in a much better position now than I was when I started because of useful commentary. I have made revisions but I realize more can be done - If you read this PS please respond and point to areas I could improve or maybe point to something you like

[MumofCad]

I'm going to PM you my responses, because I need to quote the text and I see you didn't want that done publicly.