Critique Please; applying to 4 schools with 2/1 deadline Forum

[2011Law]

Not yet finished, goes a few lines over 2 pages and I think I need to have a stronger ending. Any help is appreciated, ask if you'd like mine for yours.

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deleted

[2011Law]

shameless bump

[2011Law]

bump

[Flustercluck]

I'm saying this to be helpful, not rude. You need to completely re-do this.

Your intro was good as I was ready to read a success story, but then everything seemed underwhelming if not downright depressing. Your effort is qualified in terms such as "disappointment," "not as well as I would have liked," "turnout started fading," "they had more important responsibilities elsewhere and would not attend meetings regularly, much less fight to keep the organization alive."

You basically spend four paragraphs that describe an endeavor in your own terms as something that "failed."

If you want to keep the idea, focus on successes: particular speakers you had and how they affected you, the atmosphere and what you accomplished/how many active members you had during the 08 election.

But even then, your essay reads like it would go towards an MPP or MPA program, not law. Law doesn't even enter into your statement until the LAST paragraph. It seriously feels like you just tacked it on at the end, and it's not tied strongly enough to the theme of your statement

I would recommend starting over completely. I know it's not what you want to hear, but this is the type of PS that could hurt you.

[LSATclincher]

I wouldn't submit this. I thought it wasn't interesting enough to make it a full PS. Feel free to mention it in a few sentences, then move on. The fact that your mission failed, made it seem a bit awkward.

[2011Law]

Thanks for the advice.