9th draft. Heading towards the finish line. Please critique! Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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restless

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9th draft. Heading towards the finish line. Please critique!

Post by restless » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:08 pm

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Last edited by restless on Wed Jan 12, 2011 7:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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CanadianWolf

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Re: 9th draft. Heading towards the finish line. Please critique!

Post by CanadianWolf » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:14 pm

This essay is well done. Exhibits maturity, self-awareness & concern for others. One sentence strikes me as being a bit too harsh: "On the other side awaits a group of perjurers, drug addicts & frauds." This sentence suggests that you are still battling with strong emotions concerning your moral compass; it also conflicts with your noted growth & slowly developing compassion for others.
Last edited by CanadianWolf on Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Upton Sinclair

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Re: 9th draft. Heading towards the finish line. Please critique!

Post by Upton Sinclair » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:15 pm

Stop editing and send that shit in. It's getting really late in the cycle.

Sending apps asap > Perfect PS.
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vttran9

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Re: 9th draft. Heading towards the finish line. Please critique!

Post by vttran9 » Wed Jan 12, 2011 6:22 pm

Upton Sinclair wrote:Stop editing and send that shit in. It's getting really late in the cycle.

Sending apps asap > Perfect PS.
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