PS! Please critique, sending tonight! Forum

[parsi]

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[jasonc.]

Applying to most T14s


The realization of one’s potential entails a great deal of sacrifice and hardship because it requires one to recognize his or her flaws and make a deliberate effort to change. Potential is dynamic: it can be lost, wasted, growing, but never capped. For many people, reaching one’s potential is the ultimate goal. I truly believe that this goal is meaningless unless it is concurrent with the continual expansion of potential.
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get rid of this its too wordy and doesnt make a good introduction .Also work on your word choice it seem like you were trying to "use big words to sound smart" it seems a bit forced. I like the conclusion .overall really good

[parsi]

Applying to most T14s


The realization of one’s potential entails a great deal of sacrifice and hardship because it requires one to recognize his or her flaws and make a deliberate effort to change. Potential is dynamic: it can be lost, wasted, growing, but never capped. For many people, reaching one’s potential is the ultimate goal. I truly believe that this goal is meaningless unless it is concurrent with the continual expansion of potential.
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get rid of this its too wordy and doesnt make a good introduction .Also work on your word choice it seem like you were trying to "use big words to sound smart" it seems a bit forced. I like the conclusion .overall really good

thanks for the advice. when it comes to word choice, though, thats kind of just how i write and speak...ill see what i can do