Please critique my PS! Forum

[zahunter]

Deleted. Thanks

[zahunter]

any comment would be appreciated at this point. thanks.

[jasonc.]

I assume this is a rough draft because its no where near finish. You have very interesting story it just a bit choppy. I sure you can weave the story together to turn out an amazing ps.

[zahunter]

yes, it is the first rough draft. thanks for the comment.

[Nailjohnj]

The story itself is great. You do a nice job of bringing it back to law school at the end and talk about overcoming adversity. It just comes back to weaving it all together like the above poster said and smoothing out the transitions. If you are able to accomplish that, it will be an awesome PS

[zahunter]

thanks. that helps alot

[ShakinNotStirred]

I think the paragraphs on your enlisted & OCS time are good. I would shorten the introductory section on your family history; I think you could probably write a few sentences about how independence is your defining trait based on the environment you grew up in and still convey the same message/set a framework for the rest of your statement. I know that there is (usually) no requirement that a PS specifically address why you want to study law, but I think there is an expectation that those of us who have significant work experience at least touch on the topic. It isn't as if you are coming straight from undergrad, you've had an opportunity to travel/work in different fields/etc. so I would include something about what specifically led to your decision to switch careers.