Harvard P.S. Final Draft Forum

[mcted]

hoping to submit tonight or tomorrow, any comments are helpful.


deleted it, PM me if you have the time and I'll pm the statement to you for review.

[Kiersten1985]

Didn't read this, but I think starting the PS off with a quote automatically makes your essay cliche. I'd lose it.

[glitter178]

Didn't read this, but I think starting the PS off with a quote automatically makes your essay cliche. I'd lose it.

i'd generally agree, but this quote isn't a common one. sometimes, lesser-used quotes can be pretty significant in making a person remember a file, and in this case (talmud, jerusalem) i think it ties in nicely.

[glitter178]

.

[mcted]

With that said, I hate how the first sentence sounds. Use of the passive voice like this seems unworthy of harvard.

Try "I felt (as if) I had made a mistake."

good catch, changed that. Anyone have an opinion on whether this essay works as a whole, if it's enough to atleast not hurt my chances?

[glitter178]

Zz

[glitter178]

Zz

[mcted]

Finally, I'd just clean it up a bit-- eliminate compound/ linking verb usage when necessary, ie: instead of "... so much I decided to withdraw..." i'd do... ".... so much, I withdrew..."[/quote]

Yeah I totally see it all over the place now that you pointed it out. Also, can you edit your post to get rid of you quoting me? sorry I'm a little paranoid about leaving this stuff up here.