1st draft of PS. Opinions, critiques, please! Forum

[zahunter]

Thanks, I will revise and repost.

[HangInThereBaby]

I think you need to collect your thoughts a little and generate some flow. The beginning of your statement starts in one direction with experiences in the navy and then tangents to the life of a broken home. I think you might want to stick to one or the other, or incorporate your decision to join the navy into the beginning. Think about taking the 2nd paragraph out of the middle and putting it first as a start to at least give chronological flow. Hope that helps, good luck.

[zahunter]

Thank you.