Reposting PS--Please Critique Forum

[otto wood]

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[otto wood]

Bump...

[TommyK]

timely. i like. flows well.

Only suggestion I have is that I would have the conclusion be stronger. You say you're not able to effectively fight for your family. Then you say that law school is indispensable. I think it's implied that you'll want to do environmental law, but in what form? Do you want to work for a nonprofit? Do you want to advise your family on legal issues? It just seems like the PS abruptly ends and I'd expect it to go on for another sentence or two. I think it's really solid though.

[otto wood]

timely. i like. flows well.

Only suggestion I have is that I would have the conclusion be stronger. You say you're not able to effectively fight for your family. Then you say that law school is indispensable. I think it's implied that you'll want to do environmental law, but in what form? Do you want to work for a nonprofit? Do you want to advise your family on legal issues? It just seems like the PS abruptly ends and I'd expect it to go on for another sentence or two. I think it's really solid though.

Thanks. I think you're right, it definitely feels somewhat incomplete. Like I rushed the last paragraph to get it in on time. I'll try to fix it.

Anyone else?

[peterb0y]

A few things- you set up alot about the problems you are facing, but only have a small, undetailed paragraph about your response. I understand the topic, but make sure that it doesn't overshadow YOU- its your personal statement. I'd write more about what you specifically did without rewriting your resume. I also agree that the last paragraph needs work. Aside from that, its solid.

Any chance you could read my DS? Just head over to the thread I made if you get a chance, thanks!