I need some harsh criticism... Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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hawaii

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I need some harsh criticism...

Post by hawaii » Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:42 am

Im in the process of re-working this.
Last edited by hawaii on Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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hawaii

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Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Post by hawaii » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:43 pm

Anyone? Pretty please? I promise to return the favor...
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Jack Smirks

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Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Post by Jack Smirks » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:52 pm

How long is this PS right now?
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hawaii

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Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Post by hawaii » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:53 pm

About 2 pages and a paragrah... so it can do with some cutting.
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nataliejane38

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Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Post by nataliejane38 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:06 pm

I think the first few parapgraphs are too scattered, they should be condensed somehow. You talk about elementary school, then 9/11, then going to India, etc. Is there a way you can combine the elements of these different experiences in order to have a very solid intro paragraph?
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Jack Smirks

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Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Post by Jack Smirks » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:27 pm

PMed.
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