REALLY rough first draft Forum

[ballboy899]

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[ballboy899]

i could really use some help from anyone

[sgtgrumbles]

This is waaaaaay too general. You never explain what you mean by "help people." It sounds immature and unfocused. Also, please remove "really" in the last sentence; too informal. This seems to be the flow you describe: "feel bad -> go visit family who have it worse -> realize "helping people" is good -> feel bad -> go visit family who have it worse -> realize "helping people" is good -> realize going to law school is good for "helping people." Sorry to be harsh, but this does not deliver the level of introspection that a personal statement should, nor does it demonstrate a mastery of language or rhetoric.

[ballboy899]

its alright not harsh at all..yea i pretty much threw that together quickly and just wanted to see where i was in terms of just making sure i was on the right path..i wasnt planning on that being my final copy by any means but i guess i still have plenty of work to do on it lol