Please critique my addendum to disciplinary action Forum

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egeffin

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Please critique my addendum to disciplinary action

Post by egeffin » Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:04 pm

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What do you guys think?

Anything I should omit / add?
Last edited by egeffin on Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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CanadianWolf

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Re: Please critique my addendum to disciplinary action

Post by CanadianWolf » Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:07 pm

If it was beer, then consider writing "beer" instead of "alcohol".
DELETE: The first sentence & delete the last two sentences. The result is a concise, one-sentence addendum.
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