Which sentence sounds better Forum
- OrdinarilySkilled
- Posts: 266
- Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:22 am
Which sentence sounds better
Which of these sounds better? Or do neither make sense...
Furthermore, as it was my curiosity combined with my unfamiliarity with the type of programming that fueled the work ethic and resolve that led to my successful project, I believe my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background will come together to have a similar impact on my career as a law student.
Furthermore, as it was my curiosity combined with my unfamiliarity with the type of programming that led to my successful project, I believe my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background will come together to fuel a strong work ethic and determination during my career as a law student.
Furthermore, as it was my curiosity combined with my unfamiliarity with the type of programming that fueled the work ethic and resolve that led to my successful project, I believe my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background will come together to have a similar impact on my career as a law student.
Furthermore, as it was my curiosity combined with my unfamiliarity with the type of programming that led to my successful project, I believe my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background will come together to fuel a strong work ethic and determination during my career as a law student.
- saltoftheearth
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:28 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
the latter sounds better
- Knock
- Posts: 5151
- Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:09 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
The skills that led to my successful project will also serve me well in law school. My strong interest in intellectual property law, along with my non-traditional background, will result in a profound work ethic and unbridled determination during my time in law school.
But i'd keep working on it -- both your originals seem awkward and don't make much sense (maybe because I haven't read the rest of your essay).
But i'd keep working on it -- both your originals seem awkward and don't make much sense (maybe because I haven't read the rest of your essay).
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- Posts: 161
- Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:01 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
Both terrible; second one better.
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- Posts: 161
- Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:01 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
And this one fits right in. Equally terrible.Knockglock wrote:The skills that led to my successful project will also serve me well in law school. My strong interest in intellectual property law, along with my non-traditional background, will result in a profound work ethic and unbridled determination during my time in law school.
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- saltoftheearth
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:28 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
do not use this wordPablo Ramirez wrote:And this one fits right in. Equally terrible.Knockglock wrote:The skills that led to my successful project will also serve me well in law school. My strong interest in intellectual property law, along with my non-traditional background, will result in a profound work ethic and unbridled determination during my time in law school.
- Knock
- Posts: 5151
- Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:09 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
Lol, don't use my sentence -- I was just trying to play around with it and see if I could make it better.saltoftheearth wrote:do not use this wordPablo Ramirez wrote:And this one fits right in. Equally terrible.Knockglock wrote:The skills that led to my successful project will also serve me well in law school. My strong interest in intellectual property law, along with my non-traditional background, will result in a profound work ethic and unbridled determination during my time in law school.
- OrdinarilySkilled
- Posts: 266
- Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:22 am
Re: Which sentence sounds better
Haha, I'm just going to go with:
I, like, worked hard and shit. I'll do it again if you want.
I, like, worked hard and shit. I'll do it again if you want.
- Ford Prefect
- Posts: 475
- Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:30 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
For the sake of brevity:
My work ethic and resolve led to a successful project; these, together with my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background, will lead to success in law school.
My work ethic and resolve led to a successful project; these, together with my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background, will lead to success in law school.
- 2ofspades
- Posts: 241
- Joined: Sun Aug 08, 2010 8:42 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
Close, but not so dry. Here:mdallavis wrote:For the sake of brevity:
My work ethic and resolve led to a successful project; these, together with my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background, will lead to success in law school.
Just as my curiosity with the programming drove me to succeed with my project, so too will my interest in intellectual property and my non-traditional background enable my success as a law student.
- Knock
- Posts: 5151
- Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:09 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
I like this one.2ofspades wrote:Close, but not so dry. Here:mdallavis wrote:For the sake of brevity:
My work ethic and resolve led to a successful project; these, together with my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background, will lead to success in law school.
Just as my curiosity with the programming drove me to succeed with my project, so too will my interest in intellectual property and my non-traditional background enable my success as a law student.
- Ford Prefect
- Posts: 475
- Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:30 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
I agree. I just love semicolons.Knockglock wrote:I like this one.2ofspades wrote:Close, but not so dry. Here:mdallavis wrote:For the sake of brevity:
My work ethic and resolve led to a successful project; these, together with my strong interest in IP law and my non-traditional background, will lead to success in law school.
Just as my curiosity with the programming drove me to succeed with my project, so too will my interest in intellectual property and my non-traditional background enable my success as a law student.
- Marionberry
- Posts: 1302
- Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
.
Last edited by Marionberry on Fri Apr 08, 2011 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- St.Remy
- Posts: 526
- Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:12 pm
Re: Which sentence sounds better
OP should of course find a way to work this sentence into his PS as well.Marionberry wrote:"I grinds like a muhfucka."
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