School specific. Thoughts? Forum

[nfggcaar]

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[Montevillian]

I know this won't help too much, but one thing that stood out to me as being a little bit awkward was how you shifted from the first topic (prune belly syndrome) to the second (diabetes) with very little in the way of connecting the two. I wanted to hear more specifically about what you gained from the syndrome, rather than the general information you provided, and was a little bit thrown when you shifted it so suddenly. It looks to be like you have a little bit of difficulty with transitions in general in this statement, though the topics are all closely related enough it shouldn't be hard to add the transitions in with little difficulty.

[nfggcaar]

So I guess I should expound more on paragraph 2 before jumping right into the diabetes? Or are you referring to the intro?

[CanadianWolf]

You write well. I really enjoyed reading your personal statement. This should help your law school application for a variety of reasons, but primarily because it shows clarity of thought & the ability to express your thoughts in a clear & concise manner. Indiana should appreciate your references.

[nfggcaar]

You write well. I really enjoyed reading your personal statement. This should help your law school application for a variety of reasons, but primarily because it shows clarity of thought & the ability to express your thoughts in a clear & concise manner. Indiana should appreciate your references.

Thanks!

[granger]

In the third sentence, I'd suggest changing different 'than' to different 'from'. Different is distinctive, but not comparative.