PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated. Forum

[nykfan7073]

Please PM me if your interested in taking a look..

[Balthy]

This sounds very boring. I'm sure it was a profound experience for you, but you have to show that with your writing, not just expect me to see it in lifeless sentences. All I'm saying is, get a little more creative. Remember that yours may be the 400th statement read. Make it more creative. Use some imagery, choose interesting words, pull me in, do something.

[DavidYurman85]

It's a bit formulaic. You didn't really convince us that your "childhood was anything but normal." The statements that follow only describe your experience with the two different religions, but I was hoping to read more about growing up in Iran and details about the events that led your family to escape.

If you make it a bit more colorful, it would read a bit better.

[nykfan7073]

Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.

Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?

[MiamiUG]

Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.

Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?

it needs a car chase scene

[nykfan7073]

Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.

Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?

it needs a car chase scene

OK. Ill see where I can fit that in. Thanks!