PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated. Forum
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- Posts: 28
- Joined: Sun May 09, 2010 4:40 am
PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Please PM me if your interested in taking a look..
Last edited by nykfan7073 on Sat Aug 14, 2010 9:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- Balthy
- Posts: 665
- Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 12:28 pm
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
This sounds very boring. I'm sure it was a profound experience for you, but you have to show that with your writing, not just expect me to see it in lifeless sentences. All I'm saying is, get a little more creative. Remember that yours may be the 400th statement read. Make it more creative. Use some imagery, choose interesting words, pull me in, do something.
- DavidYurman85
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:55 am
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
It's a bit formulaic. You didn't really convince us that your "childhood was anything but normal." The statements that follow only describe your experience with the two different religions, but I was hoping to read more about growing up in Iran and details about the events that led your family to escape.
If you make it a bit more colorful, it would read a bit better.
If you make it a bit more colorful, it would read a bit better.
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- Posts: 28
- Joined: Sun May 09, 2010 4:40 am
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
- MiamiUG
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:14 pm
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
it needs a car chase scenenykfan7073 wrote:Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
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- Posts: 28
- Joined: Sun May 09, 2010 4:40 am
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
MiamiUG wrote:it needs a car chase scenenykfan7073 wrote:Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
OK. Ill see where I can fit that in. Thanks!
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