

thanksTiva wrote:I think it is great. I am sure it will be a great asset to your application.
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That is actually how it was originally written, but one of my critiques was to write in a more active voice. I'm so torn.. haha.jmhendri wrote:This is actually a pretty strong statement.
I would make these adjustments:
This reason, as other patients have similarly experienced, --> The reason, as with the other patients,
I gave speeches --> I have given speeches
I wrote articles --> I have written
pursue my goal of attaining a law degree --> pursue a life in law
I would use the active voice if you were to be more specific about what you were doing. I wrote X article, etc. When speaking more generally I think it sounds awkward. But that may just be me. Just my two cents... take it with a grain of salt.Barbie wrote:
That is actually how it was originally written, but one of my critiques was to write in a more active voice. I'm so torn.. haha.
Namely, the parentheses inside the parentheses. This is never a good move.Barbie wrote:Final draft, hopefully, is below. Please let me know any final critiques. I have used a variety of very helpful comments from a ton of TLSers to construct this version (obviously a lot of comments/critiques were conflicting so I had to work with what I thought (and again, hope) worked best!) Thanks in advance![]()
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lol. fair enough.thecilent wrote:The statement is pretty good.
I do have one comment for your introduction TO the statement, thoughNamely, the parentheses inside the parentheses. This is never a good move.Barbie wrote:Final draft, hopefully, is below. Please let me know any final critiques. I have used a variety of very helpful comments from a ton of TLSers to construct this version (obviously a lot of comments/critiques were conflicting so I had to work with what I thought (and again, hope) worked best!) Thanks in advance![]()
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might sound better asEach week, I help the attorneys host free bankruptcy seminars and guide people struggling with the current economy on how to maintain their lives.
Each week, I help the attorneys as they host free bankruptcy seminars and offer advice to people struggling with the current economy.
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