Optional/Diversity Essay Forum

[slylychee]

Edited

[WestOfTheRest]

First off, I can't get past your writing. Either you still struggle with the english language or you just put no effort into editting this draft. The grammar is atrocious.

As for the actual content of the essay, religion is a difficult subject to approach in applications and I don't feel like you have done it very eloquently. Starting an essay off by stating you don't believe in God is likely to offend someone. Just because people should be tolerant of others beliefs and values doesn't mean they are. Remember, law school admissions in the US is primarily dominated by white, christian admissions officers. You don't want to unintentionally insult them in your first sentence (which has very poor grammar I might add). You sound like you have many experiences that could add to your diversity without insulting other people.

[slylychee]

Point taken. I couldn't think of a good topic and just wrote about an event that I have struggled to overcome. I agree that religion is not an appropriate topic and will go in a different direction. But thank you all the same. I appreciate your feedback.