Deleted
Thanks for the help!
First Draft PS - All comments welcome Forum
-
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:13 am
First Draft PS - All comments welcome
Last edited by 2011bub on Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 11:59 pm
Re: First Draft PS - All comments welcome
Do you really think talking about your drug use won't ask more questions rather than giver admissions committees answers? just a question. You're def. a good writer though.
-
- Posts: 89
- Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 11:30 am
Re: First Draft PS - All comments welcome
On the contrary, I think the problem here is the style, not the content. This is way too thesaurus-happy. Some of your usages of fancy terms are incorrect. Why not just use more natural phrasing? It will come off as more sincere anyhow.
-
- Posts: 11453
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm
Re: First Draft PS - All comments welcome
Clear writing is not your strength. This is a poorly written essay. Your writing style is contrived & awkward making the reader feel uncomfortable. Little evidence of clarity of thought. Too much BS, too little substance.
- dominkay
- Posts: 354
- Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2010 4:41 pm
Re: First Draft PS - All comments welcome
Agree. This was painful to read.kmap wrote:On the contrary, I think the problem here is the style, not the content. This is way too thesaurus-happy. Some of your usages of fancy terms are incorrect. Why not just use more natural phrasing? It will come off as more sincere anyhow.
OP, try writing closer to how you actually think. You sound incredibly pretentious. The fancy words you're using aren't even impressive; who doesn't know the words "latter" or "dispute"? But the way you use them is awkward.
I recommend this book: http://www.bartleby.com/141/
-
- Posts: 156
- Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 1:53 pm
Re: First Draft PS - All comments welcome
I think you need to start from scratch. This is making the same mistakes that so many other people make. As Ivey says, there is a difference between a personal statement and a statement of purpose. There is almost nothing in this that points to your personality. Most of what you say is just overly generalized and convoluted statements about the law.
I guarantee that adcomms will actually groan outloud when they read this. It sounds like you have the workings of an inflection essay, and I would try working from that angle instead of "why law".There is no dispute that law affects the conditions of society on every level. Contributions to society can rarely be achieved in a more fluid manner than through the law, and to some ends there is no improvement of social conditions which does not involve the law. My intent is to make such a contribution, whether it be as an advocate or an academic, and ultimately benefit society.
Want to continue reading?
Register now to search topics and post comments!
Absolutely FREE!
Already a member? Login