URM PS , Could someone help me? Forum

[Jarrett]

I am studying to take the October LSAT I have also made a 1st draft of my personal statement would you mind reviewing it for me .A bit of background on myself my name is Joshua and I am an URM I am from GA and I currentl intern with the Dept of State . I am going to apply to all the T-14 schools although I really want to attend Georgetown because of its location and attrition rates. My GPA is a 3.2 and I will know my LSAT late Oct. Which I predict to be over 160 after studying LGB and LRB. I would greatly appreciate any assistance.

[scott82]

Same criticisms still apply bro.

http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 8&t=124459

Maybe edit, then ask for more help, rather than creating multiple threads. Just a suggestion.

[Horchata]

Wow, you have a lot to say. Instead of going through your whole essay and editing, I'm just going to make a few general comments. I am not the best editor but have read enough PS and DS to have a clue.

My general take is that all the substantive points you mention are great. However, it's all over the place and without a central theme. Grammar is a problem. I would take the first part of the essay about being poor and make that into a Diversity Statement. Incorporate the example you give and your ethnicity. Try to make a solid connection and use that story to make it interesting.

For the rest, you basically make two points: you know what the law is like and know exactly where you're going (Internships) and have the ability to think and act on your own (Chess).
If I were you, I would start out with the chess story. You could start with this intro:

"I am the product of a single mother house hold where I learned the definition of hard work and scholastic achievement. I’ve worked several part time jobs throughout high school to financially support my mother and younger sister. I didn’t ask for the situations I had to endure or desire to miss social events at an age where most had a great time. Although I endured difficult obstacles over the years, I learned perseverance, work ethic, and sacrifice which were more important than social events, video games, and designer clothing. Completing work assignments at my job and in the classroom allowed me to flourish professionally and academically."

You can transition into the chess paragraph. This could be a nice example/story to make your PS interesting. After, you could talk about the internships. This could be your evidence showing your not a dreamer, but a "do-er". Don't be too specific, but rather talk about what you have gained from these experiences.

You might want to keep some of the stuff about being poor to back up what you say in the intro paragraph; but I think that would be kick-ass material for a DS.

Try to do this and most importantly, construct a clear thesis. Make one and tie in the rest of the supporting paragraphs. Also, yeah, like the above poster said, lots and lots grammar problems. First work on general structure, then come back. Good luck to ya.

[chymali]

It sounds like a sophisticated list. In other words, I don't really hear you in it.

[CanadianWolf]

Joshua:
You need to create a better flow in your writing. Your writing style is a bit lethargic & needs more energy. First step is to organize your thoughts a little better, then to concentrate on writing crisp, clear sentences that convey a precise meaning. Forget the sympathy angle as your goal is to get admitted to law school, not to generate feelings of pity for you. Try to focus on the positives in your life. This should create more energy & excitement in your writing.
Do what you can to get into an LSAT prep review course. Princeton Review, TestMasters, PowerScore & Kaplan are the most commonly offered courses. One or more may offer financial aid for those in great economic need. Do not assume that you will score in the 160s as the LSAT is a very difficult, although learnable to a great extent, test.
P.S. I am not sure that you should be using other individuals' full names in your personal statement.

[Jarrett]

I have revised my personal statement to include some key points the other forum members have suggested.I have also used a clear structure to form the paragraphs .I would apreciate if someone could give me more suggestions . I want this to be an outstanding personal statement in my apllication package. Thank You.

As I stared at the checkered black and white board contemplating my next move, I could not help but compare my life to the game of chess. Every decision I’ve made and each piece I’ve moved allowed me to advance my position. I translated this thought process to my life navigating through childhood and teenage years avoiding family members who constantly told me I would end up like my father. I did not listen to them or anyone else who told me I could not accomplish a goal. Instead I became my own role model by developing my skills, reading, and using the right pieces. I am the product of a single mother house hold where I learned the definition of hard work and scholastic achievement.
My father was incarcerated for 15 years while I worked several jobs throughout high school to financially support my mother and younger sister. I didn’t ask for the situations I had to endure or desire to miss social events at an age where most had a great time. I endured difficult obstacles over the years sleeping in my mother’s car for an entire month because men weren’t allowed in the women’s shelter; not even at age 10. I learned perseverance, work ethic, and sacrifice which were more important than social events, video games, and designer clothing. My struggles during youth without a father were intense. I’m somewhat amazed I made it this far but thankful that God has allowed me to flourish professionally and academically.
During my sophomore year in college I was employed by a lawyer in Albany, GA. My thorough experience of the legal profession solidified my aspiration to become an attorney. I worked for a very finicky and meticulous lawyer who pushed me harder than any of my previous supervisors. My curiosity embraced his Jewish culture and he became my role model. We exchanged views on how most African American men lack the resources to be successful and I began challenging myself to think logically and seek resources. Every weekday I reviewed his new cases and without any formal training I was able to make inferences from which he built a case upon. I was given one criminal case a week to study and write the impact of the decision on today’s society. It seemed like a lot for a job that paid the minimum wage but in the end I was rewarded with much more. Speaking with tact became easier and my vocabulary increased as I took notes on his courtroom behavior. Like a pawn moving up the files to be promoted as a queen, I moved further toward my goal.
During this summer I worked for the U.S. Department of State in the legal affairs division as an intern. When I first applied I felt that someone more qualified would obtain this internship and definitely a student from another university. During the interview and background check process I used my writing and oratorical skills to convey my intelligence and professionalism. Growing up in the south, it didn’t matter that I was a good student, law abiding citizen, and possessed relevant work experience at times it wasn’t enough because of my skin color. Fortunately this was a time I didn’t feel judged by my skin but by what I could contribute to the State Department. For my first time in our nation’s capital I was able to connect with a diverse group of people and I was extremely comfortable doing so. I attended a gay rights forum in which our Secretary of State was the key speaker. I gleaned the impact of global diversity and how the U.S. should live by that adage. Learning law with a diverse group of people will enable me to help my community, although unlike chess were not not simply black and white.
During my 4 years at Albany State University I was seen as a nerd because I played chess. My desire to master the game was weighed against the ridicule of other students and one professor who in so many words called me lame. I would play against myself in the dining hall to practice concepts and strategies from the grandmasters. I considered chess my niche of individuality and leadership within a student body comprised of followers and whippersnappers. Chess became an extension of expressing my thoughts through an analytical process on a 64 squared checkered board. As time passed on I began to develop spectators who were curious and inquisitive. Finally during my last year I followed my heart and created our university’s first chess team and in March, twelve members of the chess team including myself competed in the 2010 Georgia Collegiate Chess Tournament at Emory University. Although no one from our team placed I learned only through adversity can I become great and fulfill my dreams. My dream and goal is to attend law school where I can apply my thinking skills and life experience in the classroom and amongst a diverse group of students. I created something that will last for many years after I leave and it is something that can never be taken away. Playing chess while I was younger enabled me to evaluate my choices, make a decision, and live with the consequence. However unlike chess in life you only get one chance
Checkmate.

[Total Litigator]

World's better than the first, it looks like you have the capability to polish this up on your own with very little help from this message board. However, I don't really think he examine his jewish culture bit and went to a gay pride event add to the essay. They are a bit non sequitour and just leave me confused as what I am susposed to read from you including it.
That and I don't get the ending, although maybe that's just me.

Checkmate? As in checkmate, you're totally going to admit me I win? Or is checkmate, I got your king, your move. If it means either of these things, I don't think it fits....

Maybe: "It has been an arduous journey, but here I am, at the end of one chess game and hoping to begin another. I've moved all my pieces as far as they can go, praying for checkmate."

I'm not saying its great, but I do think you need more than simply "checkmate." Just my opinion.

[CanadianWolf]

There is an almost overwhelming amount of material to consider in your personal statement which is likely to bolster your law school applications. The first step is to realize that this is a first draft that needs to be refined & rewritten.
Some basic observations: delete the word "finicky" as it conveys a slightly negative impression; "detail oriented" or "high standards" may be more appropriate. Concentrate on creating a positive tone as some of your personal statement has a whiny, pity seeking quality that suggests inner anger, lack of maturity & unresolved issues that may weaken your law school applications.
Your conclusion is wrong in assuming that we have only one chance in life. Maturity & wisdom are built on foundations of bad decisions. Everyone can find negatives in their life, but the trick to happiness & success is focusing on positives while learning & growing from hardships & challenges. Life is unfair. Many will be envious, for example, of your ability to go to law school & to work in the US State Dept.
Assuming that others see you as a "nerd" is just an expression of your own insecurity that reflects poorly on you. Don't project your inner emotions onto others. It is better to assume that people like you, but the first step to allowing others to like you is to like yourself.
To be blunt, you need to allow yourself the opportunity to grow. Don't put yourself in a prison of self-pity and doubt. Forgive your father, praise your mother, love your sister. With all the opportunities before you, they obviously did a good job raising you. Growth is hard, but that's why the phrase growing pains is universally understood.
P.S. You can't be your own role model. Perhaps you were, or still are, searching for a role model or a higher power. Many realize that truly perfect role models don't exist other than in the concept of a supreme being, nature or a higher power. By attempting to be your own role model, you are setting yourself up for failure since noone can live up to those expectations. Human role models are composites of strong, admirable qualities found in each person. For example, your father is a role model of toughness-both physically & psychologically-if he survived fifteen years in a state prison. However, at one time, he may not have been a role model of morality or parenting. People aren't perfect & should not be expected to be so. Accept yourself & your circumstances so that you can free yourself to grow. I suspect that your Dad can offer some insights there.

[Jarrett]

Thank You total litigator for helping me out I made those changes as well. I also learned the meaning of non sequiter lol , I will probably learn a lot of latin while in law school .. And I was using check mateto say " through a long journey here I stand , similar to a victory . where so many AA have failed because of their environment.

Canadian Wolf you are absolutely right about the self pity , loathing ,and lack of maturity I will revise the PS to correct those things . I dont think law schools want to hear about my struggles ,victories , and complaining in the middle. The conclusion of one chance is relevant in my fathers case he was incarcerated and now he will never hold a public office , to believ otherwise would be naive. One chance refers to some choices. Although it is never too late to do the right thing an action like a sex offense will label you for life , dictate where you can or cant stay , and change the perception of you. It is easy to believe that we have multiple chances a lot of that has to do with your skin color and tahts just my opinion because I have been in the world long enough to see it happen.

Overall I accepted and applied both of your critique points here is the second version .

As I stared at the checkered black and white board contemplating my next move, I could not help but compare my life to the game of chess. Every decision I’ve made and each piece I’ve moved allowed me to advance my position. I translated this thought process to my life navigating through childhood and teenage years avoiding family members who constantly told me I would end up like my father. I did not listen to them or anyone else who told me I could not accomplish a goal. Instead I began to seek role models who could help me by developing professional skills and providing an opportunity to a positive young man. My life didn’t start off with all the right pieces, but I used that to my advantage I’m now happier than ever before.
I am the product of a single mother house hold where I learned the definition of hard work and scholastic achievement. My father was incarcerated for 15 years while I worked several jobs throughout high school to financially support my mother and younger sister. I didn’t ask for the situations I had to endure or desire to miss social events at an age where most had a great time. I endured difficult obstacles over the years sleeping in my mother’s car for an entire month because men weren’t allowed in the women’s shelter; not even at age 10. I learned perseverance, work ethic, and sacrifice which were more important than social events, video games, and designer clothing. I’m somewhat amazed I made it this far, but very thankful God has allowed me to flourish professionally and academically.
During my sophomore year in college I was employed by a lawyer in Albany, GA. My thorough experience of the legal profession solidified my aspiration to become an attorney. I worked for a very detailed oriented lawyer with high standards and he pushed me harder than any of my previous supervisors. We exchanged views on how most African American men lack the resources to be successful and I began challenging myself to think logically and seek those resources. Every weekday I reviewed his new cases and without any formal training I was able to make inferences from which he built a case. I was given one landmark criminal case a week to study and write the impact of the decision on today’s society. It seemed a bit much for a job that paid me minimum wage .When my last day arrived I realized I had gained much more than money for books, I was blessed with a mentor and a refreshed outlook in life. Speaking with tact became easier and my vocabulary increased as I took notes on his courtroom behavior. Like a pawn moving step by step to promotion as a queen, I moved further toward my goal.
During this summer I worked for the U.S. Department of State in the legal affairs division as an intern. When I first applied I felt confident I would obtain this internship and being a cosmopolitan student I could mingle with the top officials. During the interview and background check process I used my writing and oratorical skills to convey my intelligence and professionalism. Fortunately this was a time I wasn’t judged by my skin but by what I could contribute to the State Department. For my first time in our nation’s capital I was able to connect with a diverse group of people and I was extremely comfortable doing so. I gleaned the impact of global diversity and how the U.S. should live by that adage. Learning law with a diverse group of people will enable me to help my community, although unlike chess were not simply black and white.
During my 4 years at Albany State University my desire to master the game of chess was weighed against my academic and social obligations. I would play against myself in the dining hall to practice concepts and strategies from the grandmasters. I considered chess my niche of individuality and leadership within a student body comprised of followers and whippersnappers. Chess became an extension of expressing my thoughts through an analytical process on a 64 squared checkered board. As time passed on I began to develop spectators who were curious and inquisitive. Finally during my last year I followed my heart and created our university’s first chess team and in March, twelve members of the chess team including myself competed in the 2010 Georgia Collegiate Chess Tournament at Emory University. Although no one from our team placed, I learned only through adversity can I become great and fulfill my dreams. My dream and goal is to attend law school where I can apply my thinking skills and life experiences in the classroom and amongst a diverse group of students. I created something at my alma mater that will last for many years after I leave and it is something that can never be taken away. Playing chess while I was younger enabled me to evaluate my choices, make a decision, and live with the consequence. My relationship with my family has also grown stronger and my dad was able to attend my college graduation after nearly 16 years absent from my life. I now have yet another role model to help me down the road toward my dreams and goals. It has been an arduous journey, but here I am, at the end of one chess game and hoping to begin another. I've moved all my pieces as far as they can go, praying for checkmate.

[CanadianWolf]

Great essay except for the last line. "Household" is one word. Very positive & upbeat. Just delete the last sentence & your personal statement will be fine except for a few minor grammatical errors.

[Total Litigator]

I'm actually torn on that last line. I think Canadian wolf has a point in that the last line could go and it wouldn't hurt the essay... I think I actually agree, it might end better without the last line... And definitely look over your essay for grammatical errors (or have someone else look it over is probably better, as I think gramatical errors are discovered better by someone detached from the essay), as there are a few.

Also, if you can get a teacher/professor to let you know what he thinks of the essay and the last sentence, that could be helpful as well.

[Jarrett]

The last line you are refering to is " I've moved all my pieces as far as they can go, praying for checkmate." ? , If so I will remove it . And I will give it to a couple english professors to review for grammatical errors. I just don't the want professors changing the structure and tone or at least trying to get me to. lol

[CanadianWolf]

Yes, that is the sentence that should be removed because it contradicts the sentence which immediately precedes it. The sentence which should, in my opinion, be removed suggests that your journey is over whereas the prior sentence indicates that you are about to begin a new phase of your life.

[ShuckingNotJiving]

Look, I'm not going to do the soft-bigotry of low expectations spiel, but this is not where it needs to be. The metaphor you use is most of the time good, sometimes not good. There are some issues with grammar, yes. But more pressingly, there are issues of confidence. You just don't seem secure in your words and what you've constructed. And you are doing this weird the reader-will-know-who-I-am-because-I-fit-the-stereotype dance, that is awkward, and what you should be fighting against, not for. For example, -- you say "end up like your father" in the first paragraph as if the reader is automatically supposed to know who, or maybe I should what, your father is/was. There are some domestic violence issues, I've deduced, because your mother and sister stayed in a women's shelter (I could be wrong, though)-- why don't you include a bit of that? If you're going to mention how your family has shaped you, then I think you need to show the reader a bit more about them. (Not too much, but some) As it stands now, this PS would be acceptable for anyone. This isn't acceptable for you. I think you can produce something stronger. Anyone who says otherwise is using the soft bigotry of low expectations, but I said I wouldn't get into that.

As I stared at the checkered black and white board hyphens would be in there: black-and-whitecontemplating my next move, I could not help but compare my life to the game of chess. Every decision I’ve made and each piece I’ve moved allowed me to advance my position. I translated this thought process to my life navigating through childhood and teenage years avoiding family members who constantly told me I would end up like my father.good connection, but unclear, I had to read it over. I did not listen to them or anyone else who told me I could not accomplish a goal. Instead I began to seek role models who could help me by developing professional skills and providing an opportunity to a positive young man. My life didn’t start off with all the right pieces, but I used that to my advantage I’m now happier I'm not understanding where happiness comes from, or why it's relevant in the context of law school essay.than ever before.
I am the product of a single mother house hold where I learned the definition of hard work and scholastic achievement. My father was incarcerated for 15 years while I worked several jobs throughout high school to financially support my mother and younger sister. I didn’t ask for the situations I had to endure or desire to miss social events at an age where most had a great time. I endured difficult obstacles over the years sleeping in my mother’s car for an entire month because men weren’t allowed in the women’s shelter; not even at age 10. I learned perseverance, work ethic, and sacrifice which were more important than social events, video games, and designer clothing. I’m somewhat amazed I made it this far, but very thankful God has allowed me to flourish professionally and academically. I really just don't know about including God in the PS. I really don't.
During my sophomore year in college I was employed by a lawyer in Albany, GA. My thorough experience of the legal profession solidified my aspiration to become an attorney. I worked for a very detailed oriented detail-orientedlawyer with high standards and he pushed me harder than any of my previous supervisors. We exchanged views on how most African American men African-American lack the resources to be successful and I began challenging myself to think logically and seek those resources. Every weekday I reviewed his new cases and without any formal training I was able to make inferences from which he built a case. This sentence is unclear I was given one landmark criminal case a week to study and write the impact of the decision on today’s society. It seemed a bit much for a job that paid me minimum wage . When my last day arrived I realized I had gained much more than money for books, I was blessed with a mentor and a refreshed outlook in life. Speaking with tact became easier and my vocabulary increased as I took notes on his courtroom behavior. Like a pawn moving step by step to promotion as a queenunclear. like I get the reference, it's just unclear., I moved further toward my goal. From paragraph 2 to 3, you make a huge jump from when you were 10, to when you were a sophomore year in college. That's a bit awkward.
During this summer I worked for the U.S. Department of State in the legal affairs division as an intern. When I first applied I felt confident I would obtain this internship and being a cosmopolitan student I could mingle with the top officials.Cosmopolitan is an awkward choice of word. During the interview and background check process I used my writing and oratorical skills to convey my intelligence and professionalism.This goes without saying. You got the job, that speaks for itself. Fortunately this was a time I wasn’t judged by my skin but by what I could contribute to the State Department. For my first time in our nation’s capital I was able to connect with a diverse group of people and I was extremely comfortable doing so. I gleaned the impact of global diversity and how the U.S. should live by that adage. Learning law with a diverse group of people will enable me to help my community, although unlike chess were not simply black and white. Again, what you're saying is unclear. I find myself reading your sentences twice, or three times to understand what you're saying. Not good.
During my 4 years at Albany State University why/how is this the first time you've mentioned the college you attended.my desire to master the game of chess was weighed against my academic and social obligations. I would play against myself in the dining hall to practice concepts and strategies from the grandmasters. I considered chess my niche of individuality and leadership within a student body comprised of followers and whippersnappers. whippersnapper should not be in your PS. how about "novices" Chess became an extension of expressing my thoughts through an analytical process on a 64 squared checkered board. As time passed on I began to develop spectators who were curious and inquisitive. Just write "curious spectators"Finally during my last year I followed my heart and created our university’s first chess team This is pretty impressive. perhaps a bit more details? Just about the steps it take to start such a thing? That could demonstrate some admirable qualities.and in March, twelve members of the chess team including myself competed in the 2010 Georgia Collegiate Chess Tournament at Emory University. Although no one from our team placed, "Through that experience," I learned only through adversity can I become great and fulfill my dreams. My dream and goal pick one. dream or goal. is to attend law school where I can apply my thinking skills and life experiences in the classroom and amongst a diverse group of students. I created something at my alma mater Capital "a"that will last for many years after I leave and it is something that can never be taken away. Playing chess while I was younger enabled me to evaluate my choices, make a decision, and live with the consequence. My relationship with my family has also grown stronger and my dad was able to attend my college graduation after nearly 16 years absent from my life. I now have yet another role model to help me down the road toward my dreams and goals. It has been an arduous journey, but here I am, at the end of one chess game and hoping to begin another. I've moved all my pieces as far as they can go, praying for checkmate. unclear metaphor.

[/quote]

So, add a bit more about family, fix up the unclear sentences, make sure the metaphor is enhancing not distracting, read it aloud to yourself and to others.

[CanadianWolf]

I disagree with the above poster's comments about your essay. I found it to be quite clear, genuine and original. Not perfect, but refreshing & uplifting by any appropriate standard of evaluation. But the last sentence does need to be removed.

[ShuckingNotJiving]

I have revised my personal statement to include some key points the other forum members have suggested.I have also used a clear structure to form the paragraphs .I would apreciate if someone could give me more suggestions . I want this to be an outstanding personal statement in my apllication package. Thank You.

If this is what he's aiming for then he needs to bring it. That's all I'm saying. Refreshing and uplifting, sure, I guess. Outstanding, not yet.

[billyez]

After a quick run-through, I'm inclined to agree with Shucking on this one. This PS isn't bad. It's just got some clairty issues that need to be worked out. The chess metaphor is an excellent example of this. While you have a potentially powerful metaphor here, it's isn't really implemented in the best fashion. The last sentence in particular is where where the metaphor is juggled rather than weilded with a firm grasp.

I agree that the challenge of creating the chess team would be an excellent addition to this PS. I hope you'll include that.

I'm fine with including God in the PS. What irks me a bit however is something I alluded to before - the last sentence. It just strikes me the wrong way. You weren't just "praying for checkmate", you "evaluated [your] choices", you made your decisions. I also don't like the whole idea of this being as far as you can go. For me, it's not just that the metaphor is unclear, but it's applied in a way that doesn't build up the rest of the Personal Statement. Give yourself more credit here and make this metaphor something that demonstrates your strength, not simply your strength in prayer but your strength in action. You've methodically made your moves to bring you to this point and you're going to be just as methodical in law school...something to that effect works for me. Does anyone disagree with this assessment?

[Jarrett]

Ok Shuckey , I made the changes that you noticed and once again I would like to say Thank you for your help . The reason I put God in my PS is that most people believe in God and he is relevant to our society , for goodness sake he is in the Bible , U.S. Constitution , and various U.S. morality code is based off christian principles. Using God in this minor way allows the reader to know that I had spiritual help along the way. And Im pretty sure many law students have seeked some type of spiritual guidence throughout their 3 years , just my opinion. Here is the revised PS according to your suggestions Thanks to everybody for helping me out I realize that you didnt have to use your time , energy , or patience but you did and I am grateful.

As I stared at the checkered black-and-white board contemplating my next move, I could not help but compare my life to the game of chess. Every decision I’ve made and each piece I’ve moved allowed me to advance my position. I translated this thought process to my life navigating through childhood and teenage years avoiding family members who constantly told me I would end up like my father who was in prison. I did not listen to them or anyone else who told me I could not accomplish a goal. Instead I began to seek role models who could help me develop my professional skills and provide an opportunity. My life didn’t start off with all the right pieces, but I used that to my advantage. By learning from a coterie of people I enhanced my resources and confidence in achieving my goals.

I am the product of a single mother household where I learned the definition of hard work and scholastic achievement. My father was incarcerated for 15 years while I worked several jobs throughout high school to financially support my mother and younger sister. I didn’t ask for the situations I had to endure or desire to miss social events at an age where most had a great time. I overcame difficult obstacles over the years including witnessing my mother involved with abusive men just so she could obtain food and bill money for my sister and I. The men never stayed around for me to establish a connection and learn from them, but I grew so much stronger from that experience and swore to myself I would be better. I learned perseverance, work ethic, and sacrifice which were more important than social events, video games, and designer clothing. I’m somewhat amazed I made it this far, but very thankful my persistent and positive outlook allowed me to flourish professionally and academically.

During my sophomore year at Albany State University I was employed by a prominent trial attorney in Albany, GA. My thorough experience of the legal profession solidified my aspiration to become an attorney. I worked for a very detailed-oriented lawyer with high standards and he pushed me harder than any of my previous supervisors. We exchanged views on how most African-American men lack the resources to be successful and I began challenging myself to think logically and seek those resources. Every weekday I reviewed his new cases and without any formal training I was able to make inferences from which he built a case. He also assigned me landmark criminal cases to study and write the impact of the decision on today’s society. When my last day arrived I realized I had gained much more than money for books, I was rewarded with a mentor and a refreshed outlook in life. Speaking with tact became easier and my vocabulary increased as I took notes on his courtroom behavior. I felt my confidence soar and I continued to be a focus, driven person. I was like a pawn moving forward step by step visualizing my promotion as a more powerful piece and moving further toward my goal.

During this summer I worked for the U.S. Department of State in the legal affairs division as an intern. When I first applied I felt confident I would obtain this internship and being an astute student I could mingle with resourceful government officials. My writing and oratorical skills were tested and improved through my previous job as a legal assistant and more so with the State Department. I enjoy the opportunity to convey my intelligence and professionalism especially when my supervisor gave me important assignments. Fortunately this was a time I wasn’t judged by my skin but by what I could contribute to the office of legal affairs. I connected with a diverse group of people and learned the importance of working as a team. I gleaned the impact of global diversity and how I can live by that adage. As a prospective law student I will contribute my thoughts and lessons learned from my experiences with a diverse group of peers.

My desire to master the game of chess was weighed against my academic and social obligations. I would play against myself in my university’s dining hall to practice concepts and strategies from the grandmasters. I considered chess my niche of individuality and leadership within a student body comprised of followers and novices. Chess became an extension of expressing my thoughts through an analytical process on a 64 squared checkered board. As time passed on I began to develop curious spectators who would watch me play professors. Finally during my last year at Albany State University I followed my heart and created our university’s first chess team. I petitioned professors, students, and local businesses to support my initiative with donations. I contributed personal funds for our first t-shirts and organized fund-raisers to offset our start-up expenses. I believed in myself and so did President Freeman who asked me to write a funds proposal including hotel and travel accommodations, per diem rates, and reimbursement for the t-shirts. I wrote my proposal which included a letter stating the impact of a chess team at our university including state wide publicity, university revenue, and a diversity factor which could influence students to attend. During a Wednesday morning I received a call from the President’s office to sign for a sponsorship amount of nearly $4,000 to pay for our expenses. I walked from that office feeling euphoric; I not only followed my heart, I completed the steps to transform my idea into a reality.

During March 2010 twelve members of our university’s chess team including myself competed in the 2010 Georgia Collegiate Chess Tournament at Emory University. Through that experience I learned only through adversity can I become great and fulfill my dreams. My goal is to attend law school where I can apply my thinking skills and life experiences in the classroom and amongst a diverse group of students. I created something at my Alma mater that will last for many years after I leave. It is something that can never be taken away, but always given to others. Playing chess while I was younger enabled me to evaluate my choices, make a decision, and live with the consequence. My relationship with my family has grown stronger and my dad was able to attend my college graduation after nearly 16 years absent from my life. I now have yet another role model to help me down the road toward my goals. It has been an arduous journey, but here I am, at the end of one chess game and ready to begin another.

[merichard87]

Sorry if this is nit picky but this term "single mother house hold" is bothering me. A LOT. Please re-phrase.

And you mis-spelled trial. Make sure you have several people proof-read the final version for spelling mistakes.

[Jarrett]

Where did I mispell trial ? what paragraph and line?

And give me a suggestion of another way to say single mother house hold.. what about I was raised by a single parent .

[merichard87]

"I was raised by a single mother"
"My mother raised me as a single parent"
"My mother took on the responsibilities of a mother and father"

etc....

And I can't find the word anymore so disregard. My eyes could have been playing tricks on me.

[Total Litigator]

"Household" is also one word... Maybe that's why it was antagonizing?

lol

[Jarrett]

ok I will change that. Other than that how does it look total litigator? How do most law schools recieve an applicant personal statement? LSAC? Email Attachment?USPS mail

[merichard87]

You send LORs, resume, PS, DS, Addendum, Why X Statements, transcripts to LSAC for processing. I take it you havent registered with the CAS service.

[Jarrett]

I have registered I was just curious because I could find that link. I am taking the Oct LSAT , which is now the only thing preventing my file from completion. Your profile avatar , who are those men at the podium?