Rough Rough Rough Personal Statement please critique Forum

[Mike12188]

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[CanadianWolf]

This is an appropriate topic. The essay starts out strong, progresses well & ends too predictably, which is a bit of a let down. Several grammatical/tense errors.

[esq]

I think that this statement has potential, but as with many of the statements that I've read that focus on overcoming personal tragedy, I think that it needs quite a bit of work before you can send it in. For example, your explanation drags on about physical details, which is easy, rather than analyzing your emotional details, and inner struggles that convey personal insights. Most people know what a car crash is, and what families have to go through when dealing with personal tragedy – so I don’t think that this needs more than a paragraph of explanation. What you do need to outline a bit more are actual descriptions of personal growth, more about what the challenges of the accident actually taught you, how you have really acted on this newfound perspective and built yourself into a solid applicant as a result, and why this necessarily connects to your ability and motivation as a potential law student.

[Mike12188]

yea I spent 2 hours on this so I'm sure there are quite a few mistakes lol but thanks for all the feedback. I'll get back at it tom.

[Jack Smirks]

How do you plan on tying this accident in with law school? I think it needs more personal insight to how this accident impacted you. I also agree that many of the details can be left out, they may have a nice dramatic effect but the PS word/page limit is too short to include them.

[Mike12188]

How do you plan on tying this accident in with law school? I think it needs more personal insight to how this accident impacted you. I also agree that many of the details can be left out, they may have a nice dramatic effect but the PS word/page limit is too short to include them.

Yea I'm kind of stuck there, the tying in part which is why it kind of ends abruptly. I plan on adding more personal insight into how it impacted me. Also for UVA which is prob where I'll ED there is no page limit, right now it is a page and a half double spaced 12 pt times, would 2 pages be too long?

[Jack Smirks]

How do you plan on tying this accident in with law school? I think it needs more personal insight to how this accident impacted you. I also agree that many of the details can be left out, they may have a nice dramatic effect but the PS word/page limit is too short to include them.

Yea I'm kind of stuck there, the tying in part which is why it kind of ends abruptly. I plan on adding more personal insight into how it impacted me. Also for UVA which is prob where I'll ED there is no page limit, right now it is a page and a half double spaced 12 pt times, would 2 pages be too long?

2 pages would be ok, anything longer would not. Do you plan on mentioning what kind of law you want to practice or why UVA specifically appeals to you?

[Mike12188]

How do you plan on tying this accident in with law school? I think it needs more personal insight to how this accident impacted you. I also agree that many of the details can be left out, they may have a nice dramatic effect but the PS word/page limit is too short to include them.

Yea I'm kind of stuck there, the tying in part which is why it kind of ends abruptly. I plan on adding more personal insight into how it impacted me. Also for UVA which is prob where I'll ED there is no page limit, right now it is a page and a half double spaced 12 pt times, would 2 pages be too long?

2 pages would be ok, anything longer would not. Do you plan on mentioning what kind of law you want to practice or why UVA specifically appeals to you?

Yes I just don't know how to say it yet without saying "because your top 10 and I'm trying to make bank brah" lol
Edit: ^^that was a joke^^

[Woozy]

Your personal statement is a chance to convince the admission committee that you will be an asset to their entering class. It is clear that this accident was one of the defining moments in your life, and I'm sure there is a way to incorporate this experience into a good PS, but I think you need to come up with a new strategy. Are there some qualities or skills that you demonstrated during this time? What insights did it give you that are relevant to the legal world that your classmates may not have? These are the kinds of questions you should be trying to answer. If I'm an adcom reading this, I don't know who you are or why I should let you into my class. All I know is you were in a car accident. You say that you've learned so many things and have a new perspective, but then you just leave it at that. Am I just supposed to take your word for it? Am I supposed to imagine what wonderful wisdom you now have that you won't tell me about or show me?

Imho, you need to condense the accident down to about a paragraph and spend the rest actually showing what perspective you have, what you learned, and how that perspective and knowledge will contribute to a law school class.

[Mike12188]

Ok so this is what I got for tom...

Paragraph 1: Accident
Paragraph 2 +3: How and what I learned
Paragraph 4: Why UVA/law

[Jack Smirks]

Ok so this is what I got for tom...

Paragraph 1: Accident
Paragraph 2 +3: How and what I learned
Paragraph 4: Why UVA/law

This seems like a better plan of attack, all you need is one paragraph about the actual accident.

[CanadianWolf]

Keep the first three paragraphs. They are very well written & share insights into your development. Use the fourth paragraph to link your new found vision of seeing matters from different perspectives to skills necessary to the practice of law which requires the ability to see issues from a variety of perspectives.

[jjlaw]

I think this topic has a lot of potential. Like others have mentioned, there needs to be more insight to how you developed emotionally and how the change you experienced has made you the person you are now. If you can tie that in with your motivation to study law, great, but it's not necessary if you can show how you matured through the process.

I finished reading the PS, thinking, "I know he feels lucky to have survived the crash, and he certainly appreciates his family/friends, but how exactly did he arrive to this conclusion?" I was hoping to learn about your emotional transformation through your recovery, but that may or may not have been the case (you could have felt the transformation sometime afterward). Anyway, my point is that I was hoping to be taken on a journey, but I wasn't.

There are some spelling/grammar mistakes as well, but overall, a good start.