Diversity Statement-- BE HARSH!! Forum

[kmarks]

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[ShuckingNotJiving]

There's nothing to be harsh about. This is actually quite good.

The only comment I have is that the third paragraph seems a bit trite -- specifically the connection between you embracing your appearance and you being selected for a school photo. It seems like that situation would intensify feelings of marginalization or tokenization, rather than lessen them. Also, being that it's such a superficial endeavor, I almost feel that it could do your actual journey to self-acceptance a disservice. (I'm assuming that you have a less superficial, "actual" journey to self-acceptance.) Isn't there anything else you could cite that helped you come to terms with your mixed identity?

Also I sense that you're being sarcastic when you mention your "impeccably good looks" but it doesn't come off that way immediately. Perhaps you should make it a bit clearer that your tone there is more jocular than arrogant.

[Emma.]

I think this is pretty good. However, I feel like your DS will be stronger if it doesn't just tell a story about why you are a "special snowflake" (no offense intended here!!) but instead tells the adcomms how your experiences/background are going to add to the diversity of the class. How you are going to share these things with your classmates? How will you use the perspectives that result from your background to enrich the environment of your school? To me, if you can answer some of these things in your essay you will have a really strong DS.

[CanadianWolf]

Not much to criticize. After a quick read, the only discomforting part of your personal statement was your use of the word "sympathy" which struck me as a bit condescending. Would "empathy" work as a substitute for "sympathy"?

[El_Gallo]

Excellent. I liked it a lot. I just wanted to ask though how you are black, puerto rican and dominican if neither of your parents are mixed race.

[kmarks]

Excellent. I liked it a lot. I just wanted to ask though how you are black, puerto rican and dominican if neither of your parents are mixed race.

My dad is Black, and my mom is Puerto Rican/Dominican (which, isn't really a mixed race).

Thanks everyone for the feedback!! I'm definitely going to take all of these into consideration and change some things:) This has been a big help!

[clintonius]

Excellent. I liked it a lot. I just wanted to ask though how you are black, puerto rican and dominican if neither of your parents are mixed race.

My dad is Black, and my mom is Puerto Rican/Dominican (which, isn't really a mixed race).

I was actually curious about this too. Might be something you want to clarify or remove.

It should be "predominantly"; use a comma after "in my own skin"; "hard work" isn't hyphenated; and "meantime" is one word. Just nitpicky stuff. The content is really good.

[kmarks]

It should be "predominantly"; use a comma after "in my own skin"; "hard work" isn't hyphenated; and "meantime" is one word. Just nitpicky stuff. The content is really good.

I love nitpicky stuff, and I'm sure adcomms do too!

[Knock]

Haha, I got a good chuckle out of this line "my impeccably good looks"

[billyez]

Did you mean "vial" instead of "vile"?

I'd take out "unsurprisingly" in the first paragraph - but that's merely my style. I just don't think it's necessary.

I don't agree with the asessment of the third paragraph. I think it goes to your feelings of how your mixed race was something that made you unique and something that could be coveted. However, I do fault that paragraph for being vague about how it aided you in your journey of self-acceptance. All we get is that "it was thanks to [your] schools’ obsession with reputation" that you were able to be empowered. I don't think the paragraph is trite, I just think since it represents such a critical part of your essay (when you ceased to just be the girl who tried to laugh it off through "self-deprecating humor" and became the woman who was comfortable in your own skin) it needs more attention. I can't think of exactly how you should fix this...I just think you really need to go in depth mroe if you want me to believe that this was the event that was the catalyst for transformation. Right now, while it's certainly readable and entertaining, it rings slightly hollow.

[whattt]

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[Total Litigator]

Very Good. This will completely stand out compared to the other DS's that start with, "I think I will add to the diversity of the law school because..."

However, I would make one change, but feel free to take it or leave it: This sentence: "To the Black community, I wasn’t Black enough; to the Latino community, I was just a Spanish-speaking imposter," should add something to distinguish you from being "white." Because you are lighter skinned, the admissions officer might think you would not have to deal with as much adversity as a darker skinned person. After all, racial confusion is not the same as offensive racism.

Perhaps change the sentence to something like: "To the Black community, I wasn’t Black enough; to the Latino community, I was just a Spanish-speaking imposter; to the White community, I was simply not one of them."

[kmarks]

Good points, thank you

Because you are lighter skinned, the admissions officer might think you would not have to deal with as much adversity as a darker skinned person. After all, racial confusion is not the same as offensive racism.

Because people can still tell that I'm ethnic, my family has still been denied service, and dealt with other forms of racism. Although I haven't faced as much racism as I probably would were I dark-skinned, I don't want them to think I've had it easy and I've only struggled with lame personal demons. Do you think I should mention this?

Or do you think changing it to: "To the Black community, I wasn’t Black enough; to the Latino community, I was just a Spanish-speaking imposter; to the White community, I was simply not one of them," would address this enough?

[Kohinoor]

You need to choose a number of syllables per word and stick to it.