Addendum Forum

[kmarks]

After starting college, I steadily increased by grades until spring of my sophomore year when my mother suddenly, and unexpected died within 24 hours. This came as an utter shock to me. In addition to coping with my own grief, it was my responsibility to provide moral support for my father from across the country. I returned to school within a week of her death, but had to give my father daily reminders to do simple tasks: buy groceries, wake up, go to work— unusually stressful pressures for an only child. Less than a year later, my grandfather passed away (the only remaining member of our family) and struggling to deal with their deaths and my father took a serious toll on my schoolwork. In retrospect, perhaps I should have seriously considered taking an extended leave of absence but at the time, I did not realize how much support and guidance both he and I would need.

Since that trying time, I have maintained a steady GPA and I believe that my performance in subsequent years is more indicative of my current potential.

Any feedback would be much appreciated

[GettingReady2010]

After starting college, I steadily increased by grades until spring of my sophomore year when my mother suddenly, and unexpected died within 24 hours. This came as an utter shock to me. In addition to coping with my own grief, it was my responsibility to provide moral support for my father from across the country. I returned to school within a week of her death, but had to give my father daily reminders to do simple tasks: buy groceries, wake up, go to work— unusually stressful pressures for an only child. Less than a year later, my grandfather passed away (the only remaining member of our family) and struggling to deal with their deaths and my father took a serious toll on my schoolwork. In retrospect, perhaps I should have seriously considered taking an extended leave of absence but at the time, I did not realize how much support and guidance both he and I would need.

Since that trying time, I have maintained a steady GPA and I believe that my performance in subsequent years is more indicative of my current potential.

Any feedback would be much appreciated

I like it.

[kalvano]

After starting college, I steadily increased by grades until spring of my sophomore year when my mother suddenly, and unexpected died within 24 hours. This came as an utter shock to me. In addition to coping with my own grief, it was my responsibility to provide moral support for my father from across the country. I returned to school within a week of her death, but had to give my father daily reminders to do simple tasks: buy groceries, wake up, go to work— unusually stressful pressures for an only child. Less than a year later, my grandfather passed away (the only remaining member of our family) and struggling to deal with their deaths and my father took a serious toll on my schoolwork. In retrospect, perhaps I should have seriously considered taking an extended leave of absence but at the time, I did not realize how much support and guidance both he and I would need.

Since that trying time, I have maintained a steady GPA and I believe that my performance in subsequent years is more indicative of my current potential.

Any feedback would be much appreciated

Sounds good. Clear, concise, explains without trying to make excuses.