Revised PS Forum

Hannibal · Post by **Hannibal** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 3:03 pm

Sup yall, I've radically changed my PS. Is every first draft a narrative of an academic career? I felt like an unoriginal ass when I realized it.

Anyway, here's a radically changed format.

My statement sucks, time to destroy evidence

Some things I did not mention that won't appear on my transcript:

1. I was in Boy Scouts. I'm not sure how I would fit that into my PS, or if it's even that great of a thing.
2. I was in student government the first two years of my college career, and worked my way up a bit. I might put this on my resume.
3. The Waldorf School was really freakin weird. I know how to juggle, unicycle, and build buildings with hay bales. Yeah.

Tear me up plz

billyez · Post by **billyez** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 3:46 pm

I don't like it. I understand what you're trying to convey here...and hey, it's interesting that you put dialogue in here. It's focused and compact, sure...but I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's too compact? Perhaps that's the problem? I understand that you can play devil's advocate and construct arguments as a result of your schooling, but by the time you get to the end of your PS I just feel like the experience is rather pedestrian. All of a sudden you switch from this experience to a melodramtic sentence - "Reason is my weapon..." - to two quick sentences about law school and that's it. It's rather odd. Why is there no "better track" for you than law school? You just kind of drop that conclusion.

Also..."septuagenarian"? Any other word you could use to describe him?

CanadianWolf · Post by **CanadianWolf** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:13 pm

I also don't like it. It's clear that you are impressed with yourself, but not much else is offered in this essay. One objective of a law school application personal statement is to help your chance for admission; I think that this writing does just the opposite.

Hannibal · Post by **Hannibal** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:27 pm

Yeah, I was worried it would come off too cocky. Aww, here I go again.

CanadianWolf · Post by **CanadianWolf** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:30 pm

The strength of your personal statement essay is found in your claimed ability to anticipate others' arguments & to see issues from different perspectives.

Hannibal · Post by **Hannibal** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:32 pm

I felt like I knew what I was doing the first half of my essay, and the rest of it was kind of constipated. Maybe I'll use the dialogue as a more background thing instead of the main focus.

billyez · Post by **billyez** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:33 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:The strength of your personal statement essay is found in your claimed ability to anticipate others' arguments & to see issues from different perspectives.

+1, and yet one of the major issues with it is that I don't feel Hannibal has successfully connected this strength to his desire to go to law school.

esq · Post by **esq** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:46 pm

I like it. It's unique, easy to read, and will give my admission chances a boost. Send it as is.

Hannibal · Post by **Hannibal** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:49 pm

esq wrote:I like it. It's unique, easy to read, and will give my admission chances a boost. Send it as is.

For sure

billyez · Post by **billyez** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:00 pm

Hannibal wrote:
My statement sucks, time to destroy evidence

You know...it might be more helpful to future law school applicants for you to leave it up.

Hannibal · Post by **Hannibal** » Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:04 pm

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